Set Your Intentions and End Frustration and Disappointment in Your Life
"Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended.” - Bukhari
There is a beautiful saying in Islam that has helped me many times to find comfort and ease. It is the beautiful word of fi'sabilillah (for the sake of Allah).
Have you ever noticed that sometimes you do things for others and may not get the appreciation you deserve?
Have you ever felt that being a spouse or a parent can test your will so much that it seems you are giving all the time and not receiving much in return?
When we do something big, we all love the occasional pat on the back and someone telling us we did a great job. But if you had to wait for that to happen, half the time you would be sorely disappointed, and the other half, you would be plain frustrated!
I remember many times when I felt as if no one appreciated my efforts or even said a much-needed “thank you,” and it left me despondent.
Time and time again, I felt that I was giving so much to my family, my friends, and the community, yet it seemed no one even noticed.
I began to believe that when you're nice, people will take more from you than they’re willing to give. I even contemplated giving less of myself to avoid getting hurt.
Alhumdulillah, one day, my spouse noticed my distress and said words that would change my thinking forever. He said:
"When you do anything for others, you should do it 'fisabilillah' with the sole intention of pleasing Allah and not for the gratitude from others."
At first, I didn't think much of his words, as I had heard him say them before but didn't know how to implement them fully. I thought it made sense and sounded nice, of course, but our nafs (ego) hunger for appeasement and approval from others.
I tried doing it a few times but didn't keep up with it.
What I began to notice was that the times I forgot to make my intention for Allah SWT, I would feel hurt by the ingratitude of others once again. When I did remember to make my intention fisabilillah, I would find peace in my heart and feel happy to give again.
Then one day it just stuck!
Nowadays, fisabilillah has become my sole intention, and the contentment I receive is enough, alhumdulillah. It’s still nice to hear appreciation from someone, but I do not need it to make me feel good inside any longer.
I’ve learned to give with a pure heart.
Parenthood is a perfect example of having moments of resentment and feeling undervalued.
When I used to have those days where my spouse was late again, one child needed a diaper change, the other was calling from the potty, two kids were fighting, my phone notifications were buzzing, and the food on the stove all needed to be seen to simultaneously, I’d feel discouraged.
I realized that I could either lose control and cry at the unfairness of it all or take a moment and deal with things one at a time, all the while knowing that this is fisabilillah and my reward lies with Him SWT.
To develop this way of thinking I had to practice:
Regular self-care.
Alone time to reflect.
Patience and understanding.
Knowledge and faith.
Complete trust in Allah.
Our desire to be appreciated and acknowledged is part of human nature, so it’s normal to want accolades. When you remind yourself that Allah's reward is the best reward and our struggles in this world are part of why we are here, it helps put things in perspective.
Another invaluable way to deal with hardship is to look at those below you and think of someone worse off—there’s always someone! This also makes your problem seem much less distressing.
I know it's easier said than done, but it works, and you won't need to look far to find someone living with less, who has a handicap, a difficult marriage, parenting issues, or is going through a hardship worse than you. The Prophet SAW said,
“Look at those below you, and don’t look at those above you – for this is better.” - Muslim
Setting my intention to please Allah SWT has helped me attain peace and comfort during difficult times. So try it the next time you contemplate helping someone, whether it is visiting the sick, giving out compliments, buying a person a gift, helping a needy family, spoiling your spouse, or seeing to the needs of your child, to name a few.
Simply say “fisabilillah” with all your heart and feel the difference!
When your intentions are pure and you apply them as part of your life in everything you do, you'll notice your soul fills up with the contentment of Allah’s pleasure.
And that's all you really need!
Recommended Niyyah Journal For Setting Intentions
The Niyyah (intention in Arabic) Journal is divided into 52 weeks, so you can work on one intention per week to achieve multiple goals by the end of the year.
However, you can use your Niyyah Journal more or less according to your needs. The journal includes bullet-style text boxes to write the date and journal on:
My Intention inshallah
Why do I want to achieve it?
When will I achieve it?
An affirmation of my intention
How will I achieve it?
A dua for my Intention
Did I achieve my intention?
A one-of-a-kind self-reflection journal tailored for the productive Muslim who wants to find time to focus on their goals and become consistent in accomplishing them. Instill journaling as a daily habit to see your intentions bloom into reality!
This journal has been designed in a bullet-style format for simplicity and free-flowing creative and artistic expression. It was tailored for the busy Muslim, Muslimah, woman, revert, convert, teen, and parent in mind, who wants to improve overall. Purchase it here!
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
Do You Need Support as a Sister?
If you are struggling in your life and need professional support for personal development, you can book a one-on-one mentoring session with me to get tailored advice.
Do You Want to Instill Your Daily Dose of Dua?
Order my handy dua ebooks, which are available in an Arabic/English or English only version, and contain 100 authentic duas to say for protection and during hardship.
