Why Being on Time is Important to Your Relationships

“The most beloved of Allah’s servants to Him are those with the best manners.” - At-Tabarani

Have you ever heard of a ridiculous time called MST, aka Muslim Standard Time?

It is an acceptable tradition to arrive later than the appointed time for an invitation, and many people consider it the norm.

As busy parents, we are always short on time and seemingly rushing around for an event or appointment because our responsibilities, work, and kids do not go the way we want, as we hope they would.

I can certainly relate to the last-minute mishaps that happen along the way, such as dealing with a dirty diaper, realizing that you forgot one of your kid's shoes, bottle, or pacifier, getting a last-minute call from work, or spilling something on your new change of clothes, yikes!

Every day, we have tons of unforeseen things happen all the time, and it may be excused when busy parents are not the most punctual of beings.

However, I also know of some families with 6-10 kids who are mostly punctual, and others with 1-2 kids who are always late. So is this acceptable and unavoidable, or is it just a bad habit?

When I was growing up, any Muslim or Eastern event that started at a particular time would have a few punctual people waiting patiently at their tables. The majority of the crowd would only start filtering in 30-60 minutes later, and the event itself would start over an hour late!

The host or master of ceremonies would most often profusely apologize while remarking jokingly that this is the norm at these events.

I remember how everyone would say, "Oh well, its Eastern time or Muslim time," and that 7 pm really meant 7:45 pm–8:00 pm as if anyone from an Eastern or Muslim background was perpetually delayed, and this was graciously accepted as humorous.

I also recall being extremely irritated and questioned why this was so if we call ourselves Muslims, and I never could accept nor condone it.

I would admire the punctuality of those with a Western background and think how Islamic that was instead, but then I realized it is not a matter of East or West, but rather a matter of manners.

Being punctual shows respect, good etiquette, and, most importantly, keeping your promise! Moreover, this is how a Muslim should behave in their daily life!

To my understanding, if an invitation says 7 pm, it is a duty as a Muslim to be there at 7 pm sharp in order to honor our commitment and not insult our host.

In Islam, it is also considered ill-mannered to arrive too early for an invitation, so we see how thoughtful it is for the host who may be rushing to prepare everything in time!

Below is an extract from Sheikh Faraz Rabani of Seekers Guidance explaining punctuality from an Islamic perspective:

Agreeing to be somewhere at a given time is akin to making a promise, and the fiqh of promises therefore applies to it. It is improper to make a promise without firm resolve and reasonable surety of fulfilling it.

However, it is not sinful if it is due to secondary issues that may arise and prevent one from fulfilling it. However, contractual matters such as jobs, classes, and appointments are different. Allah says:

“Oh you who believe, fulfill your contracts.”

The scholars have explained that “contracts” here refers to every type of commitment. It is obligatory (fard) to be on time if this is the expectation. Even being a little late is at least improper and is unbecoming of a Muslim. Undue delay is otherwise sinful. Slight delays that are customarily overlooked are not.

The believers should uphold themselves to the most excellent of character. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“The closest of you to me on the Day of Judgment are those best of character.”

Shaykh Muhammad Qaylish mentions that when the shariah is distant from society, such as in our time, we are ambassadors of Islam and must act in order to uphold a favorable impression of Islam. This entails:

Upholding commitments with excellence.
Being easy-going without being lax.

And Allah Most High knows best. Wassalam, Faraz Rabbani

I know that sometimes parents cannot make it on time no matter what, and it happens to the best of us because of our children and responsibilities.

I also believe that parents with more significant responsibilities should be given a certain degree of leeway, but there are ways to ensure that being delayed does not become a habit.

Some of the things I do to avoid being delayed are:

I change specific clocks in our house to 5-15 minutes faster (mostly when my kids were young), so I could always be ahead of time. I knew in the back of my mind the clock was fast, but my kids didn't. In a way, I was also tricking my mind into believing that I had to follow that time.
If my invite says 7:00 pm, I will mentally tell myself it is at 6:30 pm to think of being ready by that time instead. Leaving early also takes care of any unforeseen events like traffic, last-minute bathroom visits, "where is my this and where is my that?" moments.
When I am waiting for someone to help me get somewhere - like a babysitter or a carpool lift, I will tell that person to come earlier to my place in case they have unforeseen circumstances or are not punctual by nature. This prevents me from becoming frustrated through no mistake of my own.
I start preparing myself, my family, and my belongings at least an hour before we need to leave and let my kids play until it is time to go. We only leave bathroom visits for last and place shoes, bags, coats, etc., by the door to grab and go when it's time to leave.

Some days no matter how much you prepare, you may be unable to be punctual. The best you can do is call or message the host to say that you are running late and extend your sincerest apologies.

Allah SWT is the Best of Planners, and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we are not meant to be at a particular place at a specific time - this is out of our control and does not usually happen often.

Fashionably late is not fashionable; instead, it is a sign of bad manners and lack of respect for another person's time. Everyone is busy these days, so we have to be more considerate and aware of how we affect another's feelings and precious time.

It is possible to be on time even as a busy parent, and I know this as a mom of six! Maybe when we think of punctuality as a promise we are making to someone, instead of being somewhere on time, it will seem more important to be punctual.

Salam, I’m Zakeeya!

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.

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