Coping with the Loss of Your Parents: Finding Peace, Faith, and Hope
“We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger, and the loss of wealth and lives and the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere...” - The Holy Quran (2:155)
Losing one’s parents leaves a void that time may soften but never truly fills. Their absence echoes in the silent spaces they once occupied, in the moments when we instinctively reach for them, only to remember they are no longer there.
We often don’t realize how much our parents mean to us until they are gone. Their sacrifices, their prayers, their unwavering presence—things we may have taken for granted—suddenly become glaringly evident in their absence. I never fully appreciated how much my parents did for me until they were no longer here to do it. And now, I feel the weight of that loss in ways I never imagined.
Among the many things I miss, perhaps the most profound is the loss of their dua. A parent’s prayer is a shield of mercy, a silent force that blesses our lives in ways we do not perceive. I had that blessing, and yet, I failed to recognize its power—until it was gone. Now, life feels a little emptier, a little tougher, because the hands that once rose in prayer for me have been laid to rest.
For a long time, I carried the regret of not doing enough, of not giving them the love and time they deserved. I longed to honor them, but I thought it was too late. Then, I came across a Hadith that gave me hope:
“‘O Prophet of Allah! Is there any kindness left that I can do to my parents after their death?’ He replied: ‘Yes, you can invoke blessings on them, forgiveness for them, fulfill their promises and pledges (to do righteous deeds), maintain ties with kinfolk for the mere reason of being dutiful to them (i.e., parents), and honor their friends.’” (Abu Dawood)
SubhanAllah, Islam always provides answers to our deepest sorrows. I learned that I can still honor my parents, even after death. Their love was unconditional, and though they are no longer physically present, my duty to them has not ended.
If your parents are still alive, alhamdulillah. Let me tell you what I wish someone had told me when mine were still with me:
Let go of petty disagreements; they are not worth the pain they cause your parents.
Stop trying to change your parents; they seek your support, not your correction or disapproval.
Listen to your parents; they just want to be heard, and they have wisdom from their experiences.
Be patient with your parents; they are losing their strength and youth; have mercy on them.
Support your parents; you can never repay them for all the things they did for you.
Show your parents kindness and gratitude, not just in words but in actions. A simple call, a visit, a heartfelt “I love you” can mean the world to them.
I cannot turn back time, but I can share these lessons with those who still have a chance to act upon them. May Allah forgive me for my shortcomings and grant me the ability to do right by my parents even now.
Regret is a heavy burden, but Islam teaches us not to dwell in despair. Instead, we must move forward with faith and resolve. I refuse to let shaytaan use my past against me. Instead, I choose to honor my parents through dua, charity, and acts of goodness in their name. Allah reminds us in the Quran:
“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” - (Quran 2:216)
This world is a temporary stopover, not our final home. We enter it knowing we will leave, and those we love will leave too. It is a place of tests—of sorrow, loss, and longing. But why should we yearn for permanence in a world that was never meant to last?
Our loved ones do not belong to us; they belong to Allah. He entrusted them to us for a time, and when that time was up, He called them back. When someone lends us a precious gift, can we complain when they take it back? Instead of despairing, we should cherish the time we had with them and be grateful for the love we shared.
And while grief may feel insurmountable, we find solace in the promise that, for the believers, there is a reunion in Jannah where there is no parting, no sorrow, no pain—only joy in the eternal company of those we love. Allah says:
“We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger, and the loss of wealth and lives and the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say - when afflicted with calamity - ‘To God We belong, and to Him we shall return!’ They are on those whom descend blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly guided.” - (Quran 2:155-157)
Some Ways to Honor Your Parents After They Pass
1. Making Dua for Them
One of the greatest acts we can do for our deceased parents is to consistently pray for their forgiveness and mercy. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:
"When a person dies, his deeds come to an end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him." (Sahih Muslim)
We can make dua such as: "Rabbighfir li wa liwalidayya warhamhuma kama rabbayani sagheera."
“O my Lord, forgive me and my parents and have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.” Quran 17:24
2. Giving Charity (Sadaqah Jariyah) on Their Behalf
Ongoing charity (Sadaqah Jariyah) benefits our parents even after their death. Examples include:
Building a well or donating to water projects.
Supporting orphanages or schools.
Donating Quran copies to mosques.
Planting trees in their name.
The Prophet (PBUH) was asked by a man: "My mother has passed away, and I think that if she were able to speak, she would have given in charity. Will she have a reward if I give charity on her behalf?" The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Yes." (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1388; Sahih Muslim, 1004)
3. Fulfilling Their Promises or Pledges
If they had made a promise to give charity, perform Hajj, or any other righteous act but passed away before doing so, we can fulfill it on their behalf.
Ibn Abbas (RA) narrated that a woman from Juhaynah came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said: "My mother vowed to perform Hajj, but she died before she could fulfill it. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?" The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. If your mother had a debt, wouldn’t you pay it off? Fulfill her debt to Allah, for He is more deserving of having vows fulfilled." (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1852)
4. Maintaining Family Ties
The Prophet (PBUH) said: "The best act of righteousness is that a man should maintain good relations with the loved ones of his father." (Sahih Muslim)
Keeping in touch with relatives, helping them, and showing kindness is a way to honor our parents.
5. Honoring Their Friends
Being kind to our parents' friends and checking in on them is a sunnah practice and a form of respect for our parents.
The Prophet (PBUH) said: "The best kindness is when a man maintains ties with his father’s loved ones after his death." (Sahih Muslim, 2552)
6. Spreading Knowledge in Their Name
If our parents taught us something beneficial, we can continue to spread that knowledge. We can also sponsor Islamic books or educational programs in their name. In my case, my father was an Islamic writer and a lecturer, so I learned a lot from his efforts and became a writer as well. I made the intention that my website is a sadaqa jariya for my parents—may Allah SWT accept it.
The Prophet (PBUH) said: "When a person dies, all his deeds end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him." (Sahih Muslim, 1631)
7. Performing Hajj or Umrah on Their Behalf
If they were unable to complete Hajj or Umrah in their lifetime, we can do it on their behalf.
Ibn Abbas (RA) narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "If a person dies without performing Hajj, his heir may perform it on his behalf." (Abu Dawood, 1810; Ibn Majah, 2903)
8. Seeking Forgiveness for Them
Regularly asking Allah to forgive them and elevate their ranks in Jannah is an act of love and ongoing honor.
Allah encourages us to seek forgiveness for our parents: "Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers the Day the account is established." (Quran 14:41)
By doing these acts, we not only bring benefit to our parents but also earn immense rewards for ourselves. May Allah bless our parents, forgive their sins, and reunite us with them in Jannah, ameen.
Remember, grief can cloud our perspective, making us forget the bigger picture, but through seeking knowledge and faith, we can find the clarity and strength to endure. May Allah grant us all steadfastness, heal the hearts of those who have lost their parents, and reunite us with them in Jannah, ameen.
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
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