How to Achieve Your Ibadah Goals in Ramadan Without Feeling Overwhelmed
As we know, our ibadah goals shouldn’t only occur during Ramadan. We should be implementing our worship on a regular basis and throughout the year.
As a busy mom, I have noticed the online sphere gets extremely hectic in preparation for Ramadan. It makes a person feel super pressured, and you can lose your excitement and anticipation for the blessed month if you fall for all the hype.
Ramadan should not feel like a gigantic mountain you have to climb, instead, it should be a beautiful time of the year to connect with your Lord and find tranquility.
In Ramadan, everyone aims to aspire towards all their ibadah goals for Ramadan, sometimes after lapsing for 11 months of the year! It's ridiculous and unrealistic to start focusing on your worship goals during Ramadan only. Yes, it should be intensified in Ramadan to reap the maximum rewards and not just begin to be implemented.
In Ramadan we wish attain goals such as:
Completing the entire Qur'an recitation (without having done it before).
Praying twenty rakats tarawih each night (without having prayed sunnahs during the year).
Waking up for tahajjud and then suhur (and not catching up on sleep in the day).
Making extra duas and dhikr (when you’ve don’t practice this habit during other months).
Being extra charitable and giving more sadaqa (when you’re out of practice).
Some of us also take it as a competition to surpass our previous year’s goals to feel more worthy the next year.
Nevermind our ibadah goals; we also want to achieve high goals for our home and family, such as:
Let me spring clean my home, deep clean my kitchen and living rooms, shampoo my carpets, dust like you mean it, and all the rest.
Let's decorate for Ramadan because we've got to make it extra special for the kiddos. So we buy charts, balloons, banners, trinkets, and candy bags galore.
Let's make elaborate meal plans because, unfortunately, food tends to be super important in Ramadan when it should be the opposite.
Let's join workshops, online classes, and every lecture we can find for ourselves and our kids. Let’s gain the maximum spiritual benefit (or so we think).
Just saying all this makes me feel tired, overwhelmed, and “dreading” Ramadan to be honest! And if that's how you feel, you have to reflect on why this is so and how you can change it.
Ramadan should be a month we look forward to. It should be a time of relief because we have less on our plates and we’re able to connect more with Allah SWT and our families.
I do not deny that Ramadan is a golden opportunity to gain extra benefit. I mean:
The shayateen are locked up.
Our rewards are increased.
We are motivated by the collective striving across the globe.
Yet, as we know, many people don’t fulfill all the goals they set for themselves. They may not come close to accomplishing even half of them, and this, in reality, is truer for busy mothers.
As a result, we fall into the trap of feeling disheartened, frustrated, and at a disadvantage. This could be by our immense duties of having many kids, young kids, or a lot of responsibilities in other areas of our lives.
We may watch our husbands go to the masjid to pray tarawih in congregation. We see how he’s able to listen in peace to the beautiful recitation of the Quran by a renowned Qari in town, and we feel resentful.
We may hear of sisters who don’t have kids or whose kids have grown up, sharing their accomplishments. We see them achieving so many ibadah goals, listening to that scholar's talk, and joining that ustadha's Ramadan challenge - and we feel resentful.
We remember the days before having kids when we had so much time to pray into the night and had peace and quiet to attain khushoo - and we feel resentful.
Life is so different after children, subhanallah! Everything seems tougher when kids come into the picture.
If you have young kids, there you are, trying to pray, but your baby needs a diaper change badly. He/she is screaming for some need to be fulfilled while you are trying to read one sura of the Quran. Your child’s climbing on you and yanking your pen as you try to journal your duas because you can't remember them after they go to sleep.
Your time is torn between clean-ups and child-rearing, and you feel defeated!
And if you are a mom of older kids, you spend most of your day trying to keep your teens on track because now their sins are their own. By the time you get them up for suhoor, motivate them to do their chores and schoolwork, keep up with their prayers, read the Quran, and stay away from movies and video games, you're left exhausted and haven't even done your ibadah yet!
Of course, this happens out of Ramadan as well. But it's more pronounced in Ramadan because we know it’s a wonderful opportunity that comes one month in a year, and we don't know if we'll see another one.
Everyone around us seems to be increasing their worship by vast degrees by the looks of it. And there you are left feeling like a bad Muslim because you’re struggling to fulfill your simple obligations.
However, Allah is the most merciful and the most gracious!
We as wives and mothers often forget that the time it takes to see to our husbands, raise our children, and clean our homes are forms of sadaqa. These responsibilities increase our spiritual degrees, which we may never have attained through other acts of worship.
Alhumdulillah, we should covet our roles with all our heart because we ARE in acts of ibadah when we are good wives, mothers, and homemakers!
Here are some ways to help us connect with Allah in and out of Ramadan:
1. Remove your despair and understand your circumstances.
Realize that raising the future ummah is an excellent act of ibadah. Remember that Allah SWT gave us a trust to raise slaves of Allah. He SWT, the All-Knowing, knows what we are capable of and our restrictions. Mothers should not be hard on themselves but be realistic and renew their intentions each day to be good wives, raise their children well, and remember that it is all for the Sake of Allah.
2. Slowly increase your worship but do it consistently.
Maybe you won't complete the whole Quran or pray 20 rakats tarawih every night, but increasing your worship is doable. Indeed Allah loves what's consistent, even if it is small.
Make smaller efforts for yourself each day. Ones that are reasonable and will be easy to keep even on those difficult days. The point is to be consistent and actually attain your goals long term.
Be aware that it’s one of the tactics of Shaytan to make us overload ourselves in worship. He wants to later convince us that we’re incapable of being good Muslims which results in us giving up or losing hope.
3. Seize opportunities or pockets of time by being organized.
Have a schedule and assign blocks of time in your life so you can utilize your time more effectively. For example, when your child naps at 1 pm you can take a few minutes to recite the Qur'an, or after their assigned bedtime, you can pray a few rakats tarawih.
You can recite the Qur'an or read a seerah book while nursing or rocking your child to sleep, or substitute it with the time you usually use to scroll on social media.
4. Make more dhikr.
There are the acts of worship that don't require isolation or peace and quiet. You can essentially make dhikr most off the time. Increase your dhikr and even say it out loud so your children can hear. They’ll benefit and learn from your example. This is also great when you drive your kids around, wash dishes, cook, etc.
5. Multiply your intentions.
A friend gave me this tip. She said you could multiply your good deeds by multiplying your intentions. Remember, in Islam, our acts are by our intentions. This means if you sincerely intend an action, even if you don’t get to accomplish it, you’ll still be rewarded as if you did.
Through this mercy of Allah SWT, every act we engage in can become a multitude of ibadah! The pious wouldn't even drink coffee without attaching some intentions for the sake of Allah.
6. Increase good deeds simply and within your capabilities.
Increasing in good works doesn't have to be a complicated process. You don't need to volunteer at your local soup kitchen. Simply make a little extra food to share with your neighbor or a friend in need. Pick up an extra bag of rice to donate to a food pantry or family in need. Call your relatives to strengthen kinship ties, or make a conscious effort to smile more, be pleasing to your husband and have more sabr with your children.
7. Worship and spend time with your family.
Instead of seeing your children as a preventative element to your worship, see them as a golden opportunity to instill the love and longing of worship in their hearts.
Don't feel you're ignoring them when you worship. As long as their needs are met, they're watching you, which is the most influential element in raising them to be devout worshipers.
Remember, children will do as you do before they do as you say!
If you can, involve your kids in what you're doing. you could do things such as:
Sit in the living room and make dhikr with them.
Have a short and cozy halaqa together.
Read the Qur'an out loud to them or read verses together in your first language, so they understand.
Ask them to pray with you in jamat.
Brainstorm with them ways to do more charitable acts for others, even towards their siblings.
Depending on your kid's age, you could make special family occasions. Things like:
Have a moon-sighting night before Ramadan starts and before Eid.
Have dua moments together at the table before iftar as that's one of the times duas are answered the most.
Make it exciting and fun for your children by telling them sahaba stories or playing those stories on YouTube or as podcast episodes during the afternoons when fasting is more strenuous for them.
My kids love it when we do Islamic quizzes as a family, and my husband will make it competitive, so they'll win prizes.I urge wives and mothers to be more loving and generous to their husbands and children as a form of charity. Remember to instill good memories in Ramadan and make it a joyous time.
If you can manage, you can also…
Decorate your home but keep it super simple. We use a banner, lights, and wreath that we bought once and use every year. We only change it when it breaks because Ramadan should also be a time of promoting less waste.
I find journaling to be an easy way for me to learn the deen and understand the Quran and Hadith. I will simply write a verse of the Quran, reflect on it, and then jot down the main points that stood out. You can do this as well with a hadith. And as I mentioned before, I write my duas in a journal, so I don't forget what to ask for when it's time to supplicate.
For teens and older children, it is good to get them to use a Ramadan Journal because it helps them feel motivated when they see their progress, and it helps to accomplish goals that you would not do if you did it without a plan.
Invite good families who inspire and strengthen your iman. Let their children play with yours while you remember Allah SWT together in a khatam or dhikr gathering and break fast together with a potluck for extra sawaab.
I feel that we should instead try to maintain consistent ibadah throughout the year and set our goals in Ramadan that we want to accomplish and maintain throughout the year. In this way, it won't feel like all our eggs are in one basket, and at Ramadan, we have to be this exceptional Muslim.
I take Ramadan as a form of rejuvenation to help me become more self-disciplined and set goals that I usually put off doing at other times of the year. Then I plan to do even one goal moving forward, like starting to pray tahajjud since I wake up for suhoor anyway.
We can constantly work on our sincerity by checking, re-checking, and renewing our intentions. May Allah SWT increase the parents and spouses of this ummah and strengthen them to fulfill their momentous tasks of raising the future generation, ameen.
Watch My Ramadan Talk on My YouTube Channel
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
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