How Your Dissatisfaction as a Wife is Destroying Your Marriage
The Silent Killer of Marriages: Dissatisfaction
The other day, I mentored a wife who had been married for many years, yet she seemed deeply unhappy and looked haggard. After confirming that she wasn’t going through major issues or abuse, that she and her family were in good health, and that all their basic needs were being met, I delved further.
One of the key concerns she mentioned was that her extended family (mainly her mother and sisters) had convinced her that she deserved better.
Her husband, though hardworking, was between jobs at times and had switched careers quite a bit, which made his professional life seem less successful in the eyes of society. However, he always provided for his wife and children, which allowed my client to be a stay-at-home mother and homeschool her children by choice.
Despite this, the wife felt dissatisfied because she believed that her husband should be providing a lot more, based on what she believed she deserved. She was not doing anything to improve her situation but was waiting for someone to “save her” from her self-sacrificing, which was also by choice.
The wife didn’t need to cook since her mother-in-law did this; she woke up whenever she wanted, homeschooled her kids for 2-3 hours a day, had to do a little cleaning, and took her kids to their Quran classes twice a week. That was it, and yet she felt it was a lot.
How Do We Measure What We Deserve?
This leads to an important question: How does one spouse measure what they deserve in their marriage? Is it based on merit, effort, or societal standards? In most cases, a husband who is the sole provider is working tirelessly to ensure his family's needs are met and his wife doesn’t have to go out into the grueling workplace and be at the mercy of a boss.
A husband who provides according to Islamic requirements usually sacrifices his time, energy, and sometimes his health to fulfill his responsibilities to his wife and kids. However, many women don’t know that a man is only required to provide his family with all their necessities according to his means, and anything beyond that—whether luxury, comfort, or extras—is a sign of his generosity and not an obligation.
Allah says in the Quran: “Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted – let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except (according to) what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” (Quran 65:7)
Yet, in today’s world, such efforts are often taken for granted, and comparison with those around us has become the standard of measurement for many wives.
The Rise of Unrealistic Expectations and Ungratefulness
Unfortunately, many women today, especially in the West, have been conditioned to expect a certain lifestyle to feel happy in their marriage. Social media, family influences, and societal comparisons have created an unrealistic benchmark of what a husband must provide. This mindset fosters resentment rather than gratitude.
Where is the patience, sacrifice, and love that should define a strong marriage? When did contentment become so conditional on material gain?
Alongside unrealistic expectations, the rise of ungratefulness has become an issue in many marriages. Instead of appreciating the efforts and sacrifices of their husbands, some women focus on what they believe is lacking. This attitude leads to dissatisfaction and disrupts the harmony of the home.
The Prophet ﷺ warned us: “They (women) are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Bukhari 1052)
He SAW also said: “Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband while she cannot take care of herself without him.” (al-Sunan al-Kubrá lil-Nasā’ī 9086, Sahih authentic according to Al-Albani)
Are the New Generation of Wives Lazier and More Entitled?
With the rise of convenience-driven lifestyles, many responsibilities that were once a natural part of a wife’s role have been outsourced. Cleaning services, takeout food, and digital education resources have significantly reduced the hands-on effort required in managing a home. While these advancements can be beneficial, they have also contributed to a shift in mindset where hard work and sacrifice are seen as burdens rather than responsibilities.
Many modern wives struggle with patience, as instant gratification has become the norm. Social media feeds are filled with curated versions of other people’s lives, showcasing luxury, ease, and picture-perfect relationships. This constant exposure fosters unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement.
Instead of seeing marriage as a partnership requiring mutual effort, some wives expect their husbands to single-handedly provide a lifestyle of comfort without any struggle or sacrifice on their part. Islam teaches us that both spouses have roles and duties.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock… A woman is a shepherd in her husband’s house and she is responsible for her flock.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Being a wife is an amanah (trust), and it requires patience, gratitude, and effort. Instead of viewing responsibilities as burdens, embracing them as acts of love and devotion can transform the marriage dynamic. Women of past generations found joy in serving their families, knowing that their reward was with Allah. Today, it is essential to revive that mindset of contentment and devotion.
The Role of the Wife in the Home
A woman is the heart of the home. First, she builds a home for her husband, and then, when she becomes a mother, she builds a home for her children. So when dissatisfaction seeps into her heart, it doesn’t just affect her but spreads to the entire household and sets the pulse of how good or bad the vibe will be.
A woman who constantly focuses on what she lacks rather than appreciating what she has creates an environment of negativity, making her home a place of resentment instead of tranquility.
So many marriages could be fulfilling and joyful if wives shifted their focus from unrealistic expectations to gratitude. Instead of dwelling on what their husbands haven’t done, they should recognize and appreciate what they have done.
Happiness in marriage isn’t about acquiring every worldly desire—it’s about finding contentment in what Allah has already blessed you with.
Steps to Become a More Grateful Wife and Mother
Keep a Gratitude Journal – Write down three things every day that you are grateful for in your marriage and family life.
Focus on What You Have – Shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance by acknowledging the blessings in your life.
Make Dua for Contentment – Pray to Allah SWT for contentment and the ability to see the goodness in your husband and children.
Limit Social Media Consumption – Reduce comparisons by spending less time on platforms that promote unrealistic lifestyles.
Verbally Express Appreciation – Regularly thank your husband for his efforts and acknowledge his hard work.
Ultimately, gratitude is a choice. It is not about having everything you desire but about appreciating everything you already have. A grateful wife and mother creates a peaceful, loving home, and that energy reflects onto her husband and children. Most importantly, it makes you, as a woman, happier and more fulfilled—I speak from experience, alhamdulillah. 😊
Salaam, I’m Zakeeya
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman, inshallah. Read more about me here.
