26+ Valuable Wife Lessons I’ve Learned After 26 Years of Marriage

Wifehood

Feb 28

Alhamdulillah, I’ve been blessed with over 26 years of marriage as I write this post, and when I reflect on my marriage journey, I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I am still married through all the ups and downs.

Many of us were not told that a marital relationship is not just about love and romance—it’s sooooo much more! It’s about having lots of patience, making tremendous sacrifices, staying committed when the going gets tough, serving your family when you’re tired and putting them first at certain times, and performing your role as a wife with sincerity and deep faith.

Over the years, I’ve learned many invaluable lessons that have strengthened my relationship, deepened my devotion, and helped me embrace my responsibilities as a wife, mother, and homemaker with joy and love. It has not been an easy journey by far, but it definitely wasn’t boring!

My biggest takeaway after all these years is that you have to fix yourself first, before expecting your spouse to change.

Marriage should be a lifelong commitment to another person, and realistically, it will be filled with highs and lows, laughter and tears, trials and triumphs, smiles and sadness, AND NOT idealistic notions of perfectionism and fairytale romance.

While society often downplays the beauty of maintaining an Islamic marriage with traditional values, I’ve found that embracing my role fully as a Muslim wife has brought me immense fulfillment and tranquility. I truly hope the lessons I’ve learned will resonate with you, whether you are newly married, have been married for years, or are preparing for this sacred path, inshallah.

Faith & Marriage

Make Allah SWT your first love, then love your husband and children next. When you prioritize your relationship with Him, you can’t fall apart when those you love bring you pain and disappointment.
Pray with your husband (and kids if any) whenever possible to strengthen your family bond.
Soar spiritually—help each other grow in faith and implement Islamic values in your home, but do not be judgmental and self-righteous, as this chases people away.
Know and understand your husband’s love needs—express your love in ways that resonate with your husband’s wants and not what you think he needs.
Put Allah SWT at the center of your marriage and be leery of shaytaan’s evil intervention. When He is your foundation, and you are aware of the waswasa (whispers of the devil), your relationship will stay strong.
Make dua for your husband, marriage, and children daily—sincere and consistent supplications bring barakah to your family life and home.
Trust in Allah’s SWT plan and accept that every marriage has tests, and sometimes the people you love are your trial. So your patience and faith will be highly rewarded.
Make the Quran, your adhkar, and dhikr a part of your daily life to strengthen your heart and mind both spiritually and emotionally.
Never stop studying the deen, as it helps align your values, keeps you grounded, makes life easier, and guides you towards building a righteous home—plus you can never learn enough about our beautiful religion of Islam.
Love & Respect
Love and affection should be expressed daily to your husband, even in small ways or if he doesn’t return the favor—it nurtures your marriage and shows sincerity.
A husband needs to be respected no matter what—it is one of a man’s core emotional needs and your duty as a wife to fulfill as long as you stay married to him.
Your husband is not a mind reader—communicate your feelings and expectations clearly and effectively to get your desires met.
Laughing is contagious and breaks the gruel of life, so joke lightheartedly with your husband—men love a woman with a sense of humor.
Holding grudges only breeds resentment and brings YOU more anxiety—learn to forget and forgive to gain Allah’s SWT favor, and let go to be a righteous believer who wants the mercy of her Lord.
Kindness is the foundation of any successful union—a wife who is kind and considerate to her husband and kids will always be adored and cherished by them.
Express gratitude often, because appreciating the big and little things your husband does will increase his love and commitment to you—this is a trait many wives lack and the Prophet SAW warned us about this weakness we women have.
A loving wife is gentle and feminine with her words and actions, as this goes a long way in keeping the peace at home and making your husband enjoy being in your company.
Accept that your husband is not perfect, but neither are you. Focus on his strengths rather than his weaknesses, and self-reflect on your ways before criticizing him.
Understand and accept the gender differences because Allah SWT created men and women unique for a reason, and as believers, we trust our Lord’s design. Plus, your life is so much easier when you follow your fitra as a woman!
Be your husband's biggest supporter and cheerleader—his success is your success, and your encouragement means the world to him, so don’t withhold it ever.
Your Role of a Wife
Make your home a place of sakina, where there is peace and comfort. Our homes should be a sanctuary for our husband and children and not a place of conflict and turmoil!
Don’t shirk your domestic duties because you follow feminist mindsets, if your husband is fully providing and protecting, then clean and cook for your family because it’s the fair thing to do and makes a harmonious home environment.
Everything about you as a woman should reflect love, warmth, and the values of a righteous Muslim wife because you are the heart of the home and the main nurturer—you have a powerful role! You literally can make or break the family structure.
Embrace your role as a homemaker with joy and pride (even if you have a part-time gig), and stop seeking validation from outsiders and through material gains—there is an honor and immense reward in creating a loving and nurturing home for your family.
Keep your home clean, serene, and inviting—a well-kept home brings tranquility to the entire family and also makes you want to be there more.
Dress and groom beautifully for your husband—looking and smelling good for him is not only his right but also an act of love and care.
Cook simple but healthy and tasty foods with the intention of nourishing your loved ones, plus homemade meals bring warmth and connection to the family and aren’t difficult to do when you learn the basics of cooking.
Avoid unnecessary complaining and nagging—be a contented wife and know that Allah SWT determines your risq, not you nor your spouse.
Raising a Family
Avoid arguing in front of your children to avoid them feeling insecure and causing tension.
Be a family uniter, not a divider—encourage strong family bonds because you are the glue!
Relationships with in-laws and parents require balance—respect them, but set healthy boundaries, and remember that your husband comes first, then your kids.
Don’t try to keep up with the lifestyle of your family and friends—live within your means, avoid debt and riba, and look at those below you like the Prophet SAW told us to do.
Motherhood is a noble calling—raising righteous children is one of the greatest legacies you can leave behind so see it as an honor.
Teach your children by example—your actions speak louder than words. Your relationship with your husband is the first example they see, so make it count!
Prioritize your husband over your children, as a strong marriage creates a stable family, and your husband is your companion long after your children leave.
Don’t let external influences dictate your marriage and parenting; raise your children according to Islamic values, and with your husband’s leadership.
Patience & Growth
Conflict in marriage is inevitable—handle disagreements with faith, wisdom, and patience. Talk less and listen more.
Self-reflection and apologizing are key to a lasting marriage—admit when you're wrong, fix your issues, and apologize for your misbehavior. The key is to be in Allah’s SWT favor, not to prove you are right.
Everyone gets angry at times, but controlling our emotions is a sign of true strength and emotional intelligence.
“Sleep on it” is better advice than the usual “never go to bed angry” advice we hear. It’s okay, and sometimes better, to solve problems the next day when you have time to reflect and are clear-headed.
Learn to overlook small annoyances—focus on the bigger picture of your marriage, as every person has their quirks and issues, even you.
Compromise is necessary—no marriage can survive without both spouses giving and taking. But as a wife, focus on your giving for the sake of Allah SWT and not on how much you are getting from your husband.
Don’t compare your marriage to other couples online and offline—what works for one couple may not work for another and you don’t know about all the skeletons in their closet.
Accept that the relationship changes over time; love is expressed differently in each stage of marriage. What you want after two years of marriage will change to what you want after 10 years of marriage. Go with the flow and be flexible.
Take time to nurture yourself; a happy and fulfilled wife makes for a better marriage. When you take care of yourself and stop waiting for others to “save” you, you’ll feel empowered as a woman.
Social Life & Boundaries
Social media is not real life—don’t fall into the trap of comparing your marriage to curated online images. This can be very harmful, so avoid it if possible. If you just can’t, then use it smartly and don’t overshare or show-off yourself and your family to lose baraqah.
Be mindful of contact with non-mahrams—don’t go near fitna or put yourself in situations that will compromise your modesty. You always have a choice and must protect your marriage from unnecessary temptations.
Only complain to Allah SWT and not to family, friends, or worse, strangers online. Practice gratitude and patience and if you need help, talk to a pious sister who has marriage experience or an imam or mentor who is trustworthy.
Not everyone needs to know everything about your marriage and parenting challenges—protect your privacy and know that talking bad about your husband or kids is still backbiting which is a big sin.
Surround yourself with positive influences; choose friends who uplift and respect the sanctity of marriage and being a good mother. Avoid friendships with bitter divorcees, feminists, cynical single women, or resentful wives who will lead you astray - remember, misery loves company!
Avoid complaining about your husband to others—it breeds negativity and weakens respect, and your spouse will eventually find out and feel betrayed.
Personal Growth & Fulfillment
Have passion projects—pursue personal interests while maintaining a healthy interest in your husband’s passions. You are still two individuals with different likes and wants.
Have something special between just the two of you and guard your private moments and traditions.
Find a mentor for your marriage when times are tough—seek advice from knowledgeable and righteous Muslims.
Grow spiritually together—learning about Islam as a couple strengthens your bond.
Fulfill each other’s sexual needs—physical intimacy is a crucial part of a successful marriage.
If you are married to a challenging husband, guard your heart and find a good circle of women, have many hobbies, and find enjoyment in your children and even a side business or studies. You do not need to lose yourself for another person.

Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with multiple life lessons, immense growth, and numerous blessings. The key is to understand that relationships are tough, but that’s what makes them meaningful. If you remain committed, patient, and grateful for the good and learn to work through the bad, you can have a very fulfilling life. May Allah SWT bless our marriages with love, tranquility, and lifelong companionship. Ameen.

Salaam, I’m Zakeeya

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman, inshallah. Read more about me here.