Obedience in Marriage Has Limits: Say No to Haram, Even If Your Husband Asks

Wifehood

Feb 7

Marriage in Islam is a sacred bond built on love, respect, and obedience to Allah before anything or anyone else. A wife’s duty is not to obey her husband blindly but to obey him within the limits of what is halal (permissible) and to refuse when he asks her to do something haram (forbidden). This is a concept that many sisters struggle with, often out of fear, love, or a misunderstanding of Islamic teachings.

The Danger of Sin in Marriage

The other day, I mentored a wife who shared something deeply troubling. She revealed that her husband had asked her to commit haram acts, and she complied, thinking it would make him happy and strengthen their marriage. Yet, despite her sacrifices, their relationship remained unstable and troubled.

Partaking in sinful behavior in your marriage removes the barakah and opens the door for shaytan to enter.

This situation is sadly not uncommon. Many spouses enter their marriage with unresolved issues—trauma, past sins, or bad habits—that they either ignore or assume will change with time. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst foundations for a healthy marriage.

The Impact of a Haram Foundation

When a marriage starts off in disobedience to Allah, such as through premarital relationships, secret engagements without wali approval, or dishonesty about one’s past, it lacks blessings (barakah). The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:

“There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.” (Ahmad, 1098)

If you enter marriage without disclosing major past sins or traumas, thinking that your spouse has no right to know, you are setting up the relationship for future instability. While Islam does not encourage exposing your past sins, deceiving your future spouse about crucial aspects of your past that may impact the marriage is unjust. Marriage should be built on honesty and trust, not illusions.

Should You Obey Your Husband if He Asks You to Sin?

The simple answer is no. Never. Not even to "please" him.

Obedience in Islam is conditional. A wife must obey her husband only in matters that align with Islamic teachings. If he asks her to do something haram, she has not only the right, but the obligation to refuse. The Prophet (ﷺ) said:

“There is no obedience in matters involving disobedience to Allah. Obedience is only in what is good.” (Sahih Muslim, 1840)

A husband does not have unlimited authority over his wife. His leadership is based on fulfilling his responsibilities towards her with justice, kindness, and within the framework of Islam.

Why Are Some Wives Complicit in Sin?

Some wives mistakenly believe that obeying their husband, even in sin, is an act of devotion and will earn them reward. This is a dangerous misconception. Both men and women are accountable for their own deeds. If a husband orders his wife to commit a sin, she will not be excused on the Day of Judgment by saying, "I was only obeying him." Each person bears their own burden of responsibility:

“Every soul is held in pledge for what it has earned.” (Qur’an 74:38)

While a husband will be questioned for leading his family astray, the wife will also be questioned for her choices. In Islam, the punishments for bad deeds and the reward for good deeds are the same for both males and females, so that’s how we know that when it comes to sinful acts, it is not biased to one gender.

How to Tell Your Husband You Can’t Participate in Sinful Acts

Saying "no" to your husband can be difficult, especially if he is persistent or manipulative. Here’s how you can handle the situation:

1. Remind Him of Allah

Sometimes, husbands may not fully realize the gravity of their request. Remind him gently and wisely:

Use verses from the Qur’an and Hadith to explain why the action is haram.
Encourage him to reflect on the consequences in this life and the Hereafter.

2. Be Firm and Confident

Your conviction in following Allah’s commands should be stronger than your fear of upsetting your husband. Say clearly but respectfully:

"I love and respect you, but I cannot disobey Allah for anyone, including you."

3. Offer an Alternative

If possible, suggest a halal alternative. If he asks for haram entertainment, suggest halal activities that strengthen your bond without sin.

4. Seek Support from an Imam or Scholar

If your husband persists in pressuring you, seek guidance from an imam, a trusted family member, or a counselor. An Islamic scholar can explain to him that his requests are not acceptable and can provide religious counseling.

What to Do If Your Husband Won’t Stop Asking?

If your husband continues to insist on sin, it is a serious issue that must be addressed.

Again, seek help from a knowledgeable Imam or Muslim counselor. If your husband is willing, encourage him to attend Islamic counsel.
Surround yourself with support. Confide in righteous sisters in your community or trusted family members for guidance.
Evaluate your marriage. If the situation persists and becomes unbearable, you may need to consider whether staying in the marriage is best for your faith and well-being. Please get the proper advice you need first; you can contact me for a referral if you don’t know of anyone.

Remember, your duty to Allah SWT comes before your duty to your husband. Protecting your faith is more important than keeping a marriage that is dragging you into sin.

What Are Some Sins in Islam That Wives Should Avoid?

Here are some common sins that wives are facing and should be mindful of and avoid:

1. Participating in Haram Entertainment

Watching inappropriate content, listening to explicit music, or engaging in activities that promote immorality should be avoided. Unfortunately, many males and females are watching porn from a young age after being exposed to it by their school peers (another reason I homeschool) or by having unlimited access to the web (by ignorant parents). They become addicted to these haram acts, and thus, having normal intimacy with their spouse seems mediocre and boring.

2. Dressing Immodestly

A wife should not dress in a way that disobeys Allah just because her husband requests it. Modesty is a command from Allah:

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments...” (Qur’an 24:31)

Sadly, I have heard of instances where husbands want their wives to take off their hijab and wear provocative clothing outside the house when they travel to places like Las Vegas or go on an island vacation, and some couples think it’s okay to role play because it is temporary, discreet, and everyone around them is doing it. These are all haram acts and should be avoided at all costs—there are halal ways to role play and spice up your marriage.

3. Engaging in Financial Deception

Lying about finances, participating in riba (interest), or engaging in dishonest financial dealings at your husband’s request is a serious sin. This is self-explanatory, but surprisingly common amongst couples, especially when finances are tight or when people think it’s okay to steal from big companies because they are rich. Stealing is stealing, no matter who it’s from.

Another major sin that couples are commonly involved in is taking out riba loans due to having “no other choice.” There is always a choice—it may not be the one you like or seems easy.

4. Neglecting Salah and Other Obligations

A husband cannot stop his wife from praying, fasting, or fulfilling her religious duties, whether directly or indirectly. I have been told stories of wives having intimacy with their husbands during Ramadan days, and will still keep fasting. It is a sin to have sexual relations, even with your husband, during the hours we fast in Ramadan. Your fast immediately breaks, and you will need to make it up and offer special repentance. Other stories I have heard are of couples missing fajr due to oversleeping because they wanted to stay up together watching movies. If your activities prevent you from performing your obligatory salah and you are aware that it will, it becomes a sin to partake in it.

5. Cutting Off Family Ties Unjustly

If a husband demands that his wife cut off her family without a valid Islamic reason, she is not obliged to obey. Maintaining family ties is essential in Islam.

My dear sisters, your relationship with your Lord is your greatest priority. No human being—spouse, parent, child, or friend—has the right to lead you into sin. Marriage should be a path to Jannah, not a test that drags you toward Jahannam. Stand firm in your faith, seek knowledge, and remember that true love and respect exist within the boundaries of Islam.

On a side note, I want to urge a wife who is going through this test with her husband to not shame him or act self-righteous—this may push him further into sin. Your intention as a wife should be to avoid sinning yourself and to also persuade your husband from sinning. Offering support and turning to Allah SWT is important at this challenging time.

Also, understanding human nature and knowing that people go through stages of high and low iman is crucial to developing a more patient and tolerant demeanor. Remember, hidayah comes from Allah SWT and is not in our control. May Allah guide us all to righteous marriages filled with barakah, ameen.

Salaam, I’m Zakeeya

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman, inshallah. Read more about me here.