The Ways a Wife Can Abuse Her Husband (Yes, It’s a Thing!)

Wifehood

Feb 14

When I post anything on my social media that is pro-husband or aimed at encouraging women to be better wives, I always get the usual flood of “What about men?” comments. These “whatabouts” often come from those females who are quick to defend women (when it suits them) but fail to hold women accountable for their actions.

While everyone is comfortable acknowledging that men can be abusive, we also need to recognize that women can be abusers too—and it happens more often than people think.

Feminism has made many women behave like spoiled, entitled, whiny victims (sorry ladies, even for me, the truth stings). I am honestly bored by the whole movement and believe that the only people who still believe in it are plain and simply dimwits. We only have to see the outcome of how miserable and more promiscuous women have become by following this idiotic ism.

The sad reality is that abuse against women has not been resolved by feminism; rather, the abuse against men has increased. Islam has the answer to every single problem, and we don’t need any “movement” to save us when we have clear guidance from our Lord, alhamdulillah.

Society tends to ignore the abuse of husbands by the hands of their wives because men don’t air their dirty laundry as much as women do, and they are expected to be tough. Males are often conditioned to be "strong and silent," can feel too ashamed to speak out, or may not even recognize certain behaviors as abusive.

Abuse of men was always a thing, but it has increased due to feminism, and some men are now speaking up about it. With the influx of coaches and social media, we have gained insight into what men are going through, and it is truly a sad situation.

Abuse is abuse, no matter who the perpetrator is.

So, I am writing this post to discuss the ways wives abuse their husbands to bring awareness to this issue. If we find ourselves engaging in any of these behaviors out of ignorance, bad advice, or unchecked emotions and nafs, we must take responsibility, change the situation immediately, and offer the same support to men that we offer to women.

Ways Wives Abuse Their Husbands

1. Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Verbal Attacks: Constantly belittling, insulting, yelling, or name-calling (e.g., calling him "useless" or "pathetic"). For example, during an argument, a wife might call her husband a "failure" and compare him negatively to other men, eroding his self-esteem over time.
Manipulation: Using guilt to control him, making him feel worthless or incompetent. A wife may cry and accuse her husband of "not loving her" if he doesn’t do exactly what she wants, forcing him to comply out of guilt rather than genuine willingness.
Gaslighting: Denying things that happened, making him question his memory or sanity. For example, a wife may insist that her husband agreed to something he has no recollection of and accuse him of being forgetful or crazy when he questions it.
Threats and Intimidation: Threatening self-harm if he leaves or making false accusations to control him. A wife might tell her husband she will harm herself or take the children away if he considers leaving the relationship, trapping him through fear.
Emotional Withholding: Denying affection or intimacy as punishment. Instead of resolving conflicts maturely, a wife may give her husband the silent treatment for days, making him feel isolated and unwanted.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Do not harm yourself or others." (Sunan Ibn Majah 2341)

2. Physical Abuse

Violence: Hitting, slapping, pushing, throwing objects, or any physical harm. Some wives may resort to physically attacking their husbands during arguments, assuming he won’t fight back.
Property Damage: Destroying his belongings in fits of rage. For instance, a wife might break his phone or tear up his important documents as a way to punish him.

3. Financial Abuse

Controlling Finances: Restricting his access to his own money, giving him an "allowance." A wife may take full control of the couple's finances and dictate how much her husband is allowed to spend, treating him like a child.
Exploitation: Forcing him to work excessive hours while taking control of his earnings. Some wives may pressure their husbands to work multiple jobs while they spend recklessly, leaving him financially drained.
Unfair Divorce Demands: Taking an unfair share of his property or demanding excessive child support. Some women may use the legal system to drain their husbands financially, even when the marriage ends.

Allah commands fairness and justice in all dealings: "And do not consume one another’s wealth unjustly or send it in bribery to the rulers in order that [they might aid] you [to] consume a portion of the wealth of the people in sin, while you know [it is unlawful]." (Quran 2:188)

4. Social and Privacy Violations

Isolation: Preventing him from seeing friends and family or making him feel guilty for socializing. A wife may tell her husband, "You don't need friends; I should be enough for you," making him feel bad for maintaining his social circle.
Invasion of Privacy: Spying on his phone, emails, or tracking his movements. Some wives may secretly install tracking apps on their husband’s phone or check his messages without permission, violating his privacy.
Slandering Him: Spreading false accusations to ruin his reputation. In cases of divorce, some wives may spread lies about their husband being abusive or unfaithful to gain social sympathy.

The Quran warns against spying and backbiting: "O believers! Avoid much suspicion, for indeed, some suspicion is sinful. And do not spy, nor backbite one another... And fear Allah. Surely Allah is the Accepter of Repentance, Most Merciful." (Quran 49:12)

5. Sexual Abuse

Forcing or Coercing Intimacy: Pressuring him into unwanted sexual activities. If a husband expresses that he is not in the mood, a wife might guilt-trip him by accusing him of not being attracted to her anymore.
Using Intimacy as a Weapon: Withholding physical affection to manipulate him. If the husband does something she doesn’t like, a wife may withhold intimacy as a means of control rather than resolving the issue constructively.

6. Parental and Legal Abuse

Using Children as Leverage: Threatening to limit a father’s access to his kids. Some wives may tell their husbands, "If you leave me, you’ll never see your children again."
Turning Children Against Him: Speaking badly about him to their kids. A wife may tell their children that their father "doesn’t love them or have time for them" just to make them side with her.
False Accusations: Reporting him to authorities with fabricated claims to damage his credibility. Some wives, out of spite, may falsely accuse their husbands of abuse or neglect to ruin a man’s reputation and gain an upper hand in custody battles.
Threatening Divorce Unjustly: Constantly using divorce as a tool for manipulation rather than as a last resort for serious marital issues.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) warned: "Any woman who asks for a divorce without a compelling reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her." (Tirmidhi 1187)

The Islamic Perspective on Abuse

Abuse in any form is unacceptable in Islam. Both husbands and wives should strive to create a marriage based on love, respect, and mercy. Abuse is never, ever justified, and we should be willing to self-reflect and correct harmful behaviors.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) reminded us: "The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their families." (Tirmidhi 1162)

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, seek help from trusted individuals or professionals. No one deserves to suffer in silence, regardless of their gender. Let’s keep supporting women who are abused, but also break the silence and bring awareness to the reality that men too can be victims of abuse and offer them the same options.

May Allah SWT protect us from oppression and increase our faith to avoid harming others, ameen.

If you are unfamiliar with the abuse that is going on at the hands of Muslim women, visit Muslim Fathers Support Forum

You can also watch Muslim Families Support Forum on YouTube where husbands and fathers are beginning to speak up.

Salam, I’m Zakeeya!

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.