Being Kind To Yourself as a Woman
The title of this post may sound corny, but being kind to yourself is a rare occurrence. At times, we can be so hard on ourselves. Most times, you forget that you're an individual with your own wants and needs. You become so wrapped up in everyone else's needs that you forego your own, and no one even asked you to.
When you treat yourself with dignity, you’re saying, "I'm worthy of respect." You should give yourself the same treatment that you would grant to your best friend. The way you treat yourself is also a measurement of how you will treat others and allow others to treat you. Self-kindness is being generous and applying a warm-hearted approach to yourself. This in turn creates empathy and understanding within yourself.
Sometimes we confuse being kind to ourselves with being self-indulgent, but kindness is a gift that benefits you and others, whereas self-indulgence is gratifying your whims and desires just because something feels good. To give you an idea of how being kind to yourself is not being self-indulgent, let's look at the example of a busy mother who has attended to the needs of young kids most of the day.
A person who displays self-kindness speaks like this:
“What am I feeling?” "I'm pretty tired after being with the kids for so long."
“What can I do to feel better?" “Take a break, have a cup of tea and a cookie, maybe take a bath, and definitely loosen up on the chores a bit."
The person who displays self-indulgence speaks like this:
“What am I feeling?” "I'm exhausted! I wish I didn't have to do this every single day!"
“What can I do to feel better?” "I'm going to watch some TV and eat that whole bag of cookies because I deserve it! It's my husband’s fault if I get fat because he should help me out more."
Self-kindness is accepting your situation and setting limits for yourself so you do not go beyond what you are capable of doing. You realize that you are in a tough situation but you make the best of it and find ways of relief that are not harmful to you or others. You also don't feel guilty for taking relief because you realize that it will make you a better person. You take responsibility for your life and don't blame anyone for your situation.
Self-indulgence is resenting your situation and finding ways to gratify your feelings of being robbed in life. You indulge your whims because you tell yourself you've earned it and may blame others for your situation. This makes you justify addictions and bad habits which may be harmful to yourself or others and is the opposite of being kind to yourself.
If your self-worth is not paired with self-respect, then kindness to yourself can turn into self-indulgence. Self-respect leads you to say "I do not need to eat the whole bag of cookies to feel rewarded." Self-indulgence says, "I deserve to eat the whole bag of cookies to feel rewarded." When you are proactively self-kind, you realize that a certain habit or behavior is self-destructive, and then you choose being kind to yourself by gradually changing the habit or behavior.
Genuine self-kindness originates from having self-esteem and self-worth. When your belief in yourself is positive, you feel valuable and capable as an individual. Saying to yourself, "I am worthy enough to be kind to myself" may seem like a small accomplishment, but it is difficult to convince yourself of it. Practice being kind to yourself and you will notice the fulfillment you feel in your life and with your family. Don't only do it for yourself, but do it so your family can learn this valuable lesson in self-respect as well.
Some Ideas Of Being Kind To Yourself
Avoid being critical of your appearance.
Carve out some time for yourself to reflect and enjoy.
Give yourself recognition for your achievements.
Cultivate your inner advocate over your inner critic.
Forgive yourself for mistakes of your past.
Stop blaming yourself for things that go wrong.
Take good care of yourself.
Give yourself self-respect.
Keep your promises to yourself.
Soothe yourself when the going gets tough.
Remind yourself of your good traits.
Boost yourself up when you fail.
Tell yourself, “I don’t have to be perfect.”
Honor your dreams and goals.
Acknowledge your potential.
Stop being too idealistic.
Show yourself compassion and empathy.
Believe in your abilities.
Accept your imperfections as being human.
Be your best friend.
Accept compliments with grace.
It's funny how something as simple as self-kindness can bring enrichment to your life. It not only helps you develop a thoughtful and compassionate approach towards yourself but towards others as well. The more you practice self-kindness, the more you'll be aware of the happiness and blessings it unfolds into your life.
I leave you with the words of our beloved Prophet SAW who said:
يَا عَائِشَةُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ فِي الْأَمْرِ كُلِّهِ
"O Aisha, Allah is kind and He loves kindness in all matters." (Bukhari)
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
