How To Overcome Motherhood Overwhelm
Many mothers go through feelings of overwhelm most of the time because motherhood is tough and has its ups and downs. Some days you manage to keep your home tidy, your kids listen, and your husband is awesome. On other days, your house is a mess, your kids drive you crazy, and your husband is not very helpful. On those days, you want to drop everything and say, "Why bother?”
Motherhood is without a doubt one of the most difficult challenges a woman will face, and there is an element of "grin and bear it" to it. However, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by motherhood most of the time, it may mean that you need to find out if certain changes need to be made to rectify this. What I suggest and use myself when motherhood gets tough are the following steps:
1. Acceptance
Firstly, you have to accept your motherhood role with grace. When you accept that you are a mother to young kids and that this choice isn't easy and comes with commitment and responsibility, your mindset will be better prepared for tough times, and you'll have more endurance.
2. Faith
Pray to God to help you with your problems before asking anyone else. Ask Him for guidance in your worries and to relieve your burdens, especially on those days when you feel overwhelmed. When you place your trust in God, you will immediately feel your load lighten.
3. Empowerment
Empower yourself by researching solutions to the problems you face. Join a parenting course, find a parenting coach, go to a counselor, hire a nanny, or simply find a support group online. There are many ways to get help and find support so you do not deal with the overwhelm of motherhood alone. Learn how it is possible to be a good mom while still finding time to pursue your goals.
4. Assessment
Assess your life from a third person's perspective and pinpoint your problems so you can get an unbiased view of your situation. Write down solutions to the problems you see. For problems that you can solve alone, brainstorm and write the solutions down to implement them. Problems you can't solve yourself, brainstorm with your spouse, a coach, a counselor, or whomever is part of your support system to find solutions for relief.
5. Communication
Communicate your overwhelmed feelings to your spouse, but don't accuse or blame him for them, just tell him how you feel. Talking to your partner is an important aspect of your relationship, as it's his children and home too, and you don't need to solve the issues alone. If you are unable to solve your problems with your spouse due to being a single mom or other reason, read the next steps…
6. Prioritize
Prioritize your duties by writing down everything you need to accomplish in a brain dump. Then from that page:
Divide your "To-Do's" into "Very Important", "Somewhat Important" and “Not So Important.”
Focus on the "Very Important" first.
Tackle the "Somewhat Important" after the “Very Important” is under control.
Leave the “Not So Important” for when you absolutely have the time to do it, Understand that this list can be achieved at a later time when you are less overwhelmed.
7. Boundaries
Setting boundaries for yourself is essential to keeping up with mom life. I would love to feed my kids healthier foods and have a perfectly organized home. Though sometimes we have sandwiches for dinner and I have piles of dishes to wash later. We all have ideals, but you need to set boundaries on what you can do in the moment that you're in. Understand what is possible and what is wishful thinking and be okay with letting go of ideals.
8. Mom-Care
Self-care is a must for a mother to thrive. If your baby is teething at night and keeps you up, you need to make up for lost sleep somehow. Let your spouse watch the kids, take a rest when your kids have their nap time, or go to bed earlier at night.
If you are unable to juggle things to make time for yourself, then your schedule may be too full and you need to cut some things out that are taking too much of your time. When you have young kids and no one around to help, your days will be extremely difficult, so either get a helper or get enough sleep to cope. Sleep deprivation causes one to get irritated quickly which leads to irritability and ill-health.
When a mom feels tired all the time, the last thing she feels like doing is beautifying herself which adds to feeling down-in-the-dumps. I know it is hard to look refreshed when you have young kids, but do it for yourself! I feel confident when I’m groomed and take care of my appearance.
9. Assistance
Do not be afraid to say I need help. You are unable to do everything yourself without feeling exhausted and resentful, and then end up doing nothing well. You have to again refer to your "Very Important" list and realize that seeing to your crying child trumps over cleaning the kitchen at the moment. Learn to say, "I need a hand because I'm no supermom". If money is a concern, cut out something else from your budget. Most times you can find something less important to cut from the budget in order to keep peace of mind.
10. Standards
As moms, we tend to want things done a certain way and we set high standards for ourselves even when life adds more on our plate. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and think about your situation. Remind yourself that all your things are "just stuff" and isn't as important as the people you love. Realize how petty certain things are and "don't sweat the small stuff." Join your family in the fun and stop worrying about what needs to be done all the time because as you know, work never ends.
11. Gratitude
Lastly, look at your life and think, would I change my life and be without the people I love? Your answer will be "no way!" Think of what you went through to get where you are. You will realize that it took fortitude and determination and made you the tough, capable woman you are today. If you came this far, you can see it through till the end. Focus more on your blessings by looking at another mom who has a harder life than yours (there is always someone). This mentality has kept me smiling more often than not on those tough days.
I hope these tips help any mom who is going through overwhelm in motherhood. You don't need to suffer in silence dear mom. However it isn’t a quick fix either, but with time, making some necessary changes, and finding support, you can beat overwhelm!
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
