How to Find Joy as a Mother
I previously wrote an article and recorded a podcast about the importance of finding joy as a mom, as well as recorded a podcast about this topic. so I suggest you read or listen to that post first to give you some background to this article.
Finding joy in our lives as mothers is crucial to our wellbeing and satisfaction in life. We cannot have an imbalance in seeing to others’ needs without first seeing to our own. This post shares the ways I found joy and began my journey toward developing a tranquil heart.
Ways To find Joy as a Mom
The first tip I recommend to finding joy is to look at your entire life right now and think of all your blessings. We all have various blessings that we don't realize because we take them for granted. Things like having a safe place to live, having healthy children, having a fridge full of food, etc.
We are so focused on our responsibilities and everything we have to do that we don't see what other parents are going through. We've all heard it said before about appreciating what you have, looking below you, and there's always someone worse off. But then you think, "I know this, but I'm also going through stuff, doesn't that matter?"
I don’t deny that our challenges are important.
I'm saying that we all have joy in our lives because Allah SWT doesn't give us more than we can bear. We just don't take enough time to reflect on our blessings and feel grateful for them. We become so wrapped up in our challenges that we can become ungrateful for the rewards we already have.
The best way, I've found to find joy, is to reflect on your life and notice every blessing you have, whether big or small. Then write them down in a shukr journal on a daily basis.
When I started implementing this habit, I wrote only one thing per day that I was thankful for. I figured I wouldn't have time to write more, and I wanted to make this effort small, so I stayed consistent. It's really not difficult to think of one thing that makes your life easy.
This journaling turned into something I looked forward to doing daily. So I increased my journaling effort and began writing in a barakah journal on a weekly basis.
The difference between these journals is the time factor. In my shukr journal, there are daily blocks to write one gratitude sentence, or even up to three, on any given day. I write in this journal before bedtime, and it takes a few seconds.
In my barakah journal, there are specific blocks to write gratitude about your life, home, kids, spouse, etc., which I find is best to do weekly, so it doesn't get too much. I write in this journal on weekends when I have more time to relax and contemplate.
These journals are part of my series of gratitude journals that I designed for myself and my kids, then published it for the public due to popular demand. It's available for sale on Amazon and Etsy under Muslim Journals or visit muslimjournals.com.
I designed these journals in a minimalistic style, so it's not overwhelming, and you can decorate them to your liking. You can also use a notebook or a gratitude journal you already own if you want to start this habit immediately.
I created these journals is due to my need for something more spiritual, which would extend all my thankfulness to Allah SWT. I highly recommend gratitude journaling as a daily habit because you will see the difference in your life, inshallah.
The second tip I recommend to find joy is to practice regular self-care. I know this word is often overused and misunderstood, and many roll their eyes when a woman says it.
It’s definitely got a bad rap by people who portray self-care as performing acts like having a facial, taking a bubble bath, looking in the mirror and expressing love for yourself. Besides the latter being embarrassing, I personally don't believe that kind of care helps you feel better when you're feeling down.
I'm sure it makes some people happy for a while, but the self-care I prefer to focus on first is our mental and emotional state of wellbeing. This type of self-care is highly neglected yet essential to finding your joy triggers.
As I mentioned earlier, we all need to have a list of things that make us feel delight during those tough days. It should be something simple and not extravagant because if you're buying things you can't afford, it causes more stress.
It's long-term joys that we want to implement.
For example, my joys are writing, reading, learning Islamic knowledge, and occasionally meeting up with good friends who I learn from and bring me closer to Allah SWT.
It might take some deep delving at the beginning to find your true long-term joys, but once you know them, write them down and aim to instill them in your life regularly.
Don't feel guilty for taking time for your joys, as you deserve to do some things that make you happy. If you can't overcome your guilty feelings, just tell yourself that what you're doing will make you a better wife and mother.
Over time, it will impact you even further by making you more pleasant to be around that your family and friends will notice and welcome the more joyful you! You are not selfish; you're being smart and logical about your needs.
The third tip to be more joyful is to stop worrying. This useless trait is one that many moms have. You get some people who worry way more than others, and you'll notice them being the ones who are most stressed out.
I'm not a worrier by nature, alhamdulillah, but there are family and friends around me who are big worriers. I notice how they take so much time thinking, analyzing, and contemplating all the things in the past, present, and future. You can't change the past, and you sure don't know what the future will bring, so why worry about that? The present holds your current problems, but worrying about them is a waste of time.
I started to become a worrier at one time due to my hardship, so I can relate to the consuming feeling that was debilitating. alhumdulillah, I realized what was happening when I developed a more cynical mindset. I realized what a gift it is to not be a worrier by nature as it's a tumultuous state of mind.
The other thing about worrying is that it stems from having weak iman. If we trust in Allah SWT, we will know that everything happening is by the Will of Allah, and if something is not meant for us, it will never come, and if something is meant for us, nothing will keep it away. This is Islam 101 for beginners!
If we truly understand what iman is, accept it as part of being a Muslim, and place complete trust in Allah SWT, our worries will dissipate. With this knowledge, I now know that when I have fear that triggers worry and anxiety, it means that my iman needs reviving and I'm moving far from Allah SWT.
Worrying is such a time-waster, and we need to control our thoughts by asking questions like, "Why am I worrying about something that might not happen? Why am I worrying about things in the future when I can die any moment?"
You can switch your thoughts to say instead, "I am not going to think about this as I need to focus on what I must do to solve it." If something seems unsolvable and you lack control to fix it, don't relapse into worry, instead turn to dua.
Whenever I worry about something, especially things out of my control, I have learned to turn to Allah SWT first, and make special adkhar and personal duas. I also made it a habit to write in a dua journal most days, as it feels good to release my thoughts and keep my connection to Allah SWT strong.
I love dua journaling as it also helps me remember my duas by writing them down, so I don't forget them when I feel stressed.
The way I use dua during difficulties is I first ask Allah SWT for forgiveness, then I thank Him for my blessings, and say something like,
"O Allah my Lord and Creator, please help me with....(I name the issue). I don't know what to do, and I'm scared and worried about the consequences."
Subhanallah, things will get solved because Allah SWT listens to our duas and He will always help us. You don't know how the help will come, but it does if you believe with conviction in the power of supplication.
Dua, for me, is the medicine for worry.
The fourth tip to finding joy is to surround yourself with positive people and remove the toxic ones from your life. Manipulative, negative, and condescending people are a no-no to your happiness, and you mustn't allow them to have any input in your decisions.
If you can't control some of the toxic people in your life because they are close family members or a spouse, you should avoid contact with their negativity as much as possible. There are other ways of dealing with toxic people so that you can minimize exposure to their pessimism, but I'm not going into that in detail in this post as it needs an entire article on this.
If the toxic people are your friends, you need to ask yourself why you're still hanging with them because you get to choose your friends. I went through highly toxic friendships during the times I was a doormat and didn't respect my needs.
I look back now and regret the emotional abuse I allowed others to bring on to me. But then I reminded myself that regret is from shaytan, and it was a journey of realization that I needed to travel to reach my destination of enlightenment.
I urge you to read up on the signs of being manipulated by someone and research why toxic people act that way. However, you will know the people in your life who cause you the most stress and turmoil, and analyze how they leave you feeling after being in their company. There are levels of toxic behavior, and some people have it milder than others.
Surround yourself with positive people who uplift you and especially take you closer to Allah SWT. Be with those who you learn from, and you'll know who they are because when you leave them, you feel hopeful and not in despair.
People who motivate you to make positive changes for a better life are the ones you want around because life's too short for the naysayers and the pessimists who talk more than they do.
If you feel that the people you surround yourself with are draining and exhausting, that's a big sign that they're not bringing joy to your life. Having good people around you is essential to our wellbeing and influences our state of mind. There are even Hadith about the importance of keeping good company.
The fifth and final tip for finding joy is appreciating the little things in life, which are the most important, yet we take them for granted. When you focus on this, you will, for example, be appreciative of having good health, healthy children, the support of your spouse, enjoying good times with family and friends, etc.
Focusing on special moments that won't last long is also what we don't think about, like being together at home with your children which is a rare occasion since theyll grow up and go their different ways.
We think of these big things as the little things that we take for granted. But when we appreciate them, we will feel the joy to laugh more and love more because you will find so much to be happy about!
Your blessings are barakah from Allah SWT, and when you appreciate them, you will get more from Him. As your barakah increases, it will cause you more joy, and a circle of delight envelops you. I'm sure you've seen these happy people and always wondered how they stay so cheerful.
If you can implement these tips in your life, you'll eventually reach a joyful state, inshallah. Alhumdulillah, I can honestly say that my days are feeling sad and depressed are so few nowadays.
I find that as soon as I hit a low, which could be from so many factors like challenges of being a wife and parent, PMS, or one of those bad days, it doesn't affect me as much as it used to.
Not to say that you will always be in a state of euphoria because that's not possible for anyone, but you'll have fewer tough days due to being able to deal with them smarter.
Having joy makes you withstand life's curveballs because you've gained wisdom from learning how to handle your emotions towards your circumstances.
Joy is finding delight no matter if your situation is challenging; you still can say, "I have a great life, alhumdulillah!" It's such a beautiful state of being, and I've experienced the wonders of this mindset which caused my life to vastly improve - that's why I wanted to write about this so badly.
If you've found your joy, I would love to hear more about it and share your tips because I'm always on the road towards improvement. This journey is neverending because we need to constantly control our nafs and overcoming shaytan's waswasa.
You can also listen to my podcast on this topic on YouTube
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe being a wife, a mother, and making our homes a sanctuary for our families brings us tremendous blessings, fulfillment, and improves society. Since 2011, I've been committed to helping Muslimas find tranquility in their roles, take better care of themselves, and attain contentment within. Our journey is not an easy one, but I pray the resources and mentoring I offer, will assist in navigating you through your everyday challenges with mindfulness and gratitude, inshallah. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! READ MORE
