How to Communicate Effectively With Your Husband

Wifehood

Mar 28

One of the main problems I encountered as a new wife (and noticed about my wife clients) is that women don’t learn how to communicate with men. There is so much misunderstanding between the genders that it’s causing major marital issues and marriage breakups.

This is one of the reasons I’ve developed a program and written a book, especially for wives, and I feel an urgent need to mentor women on understanding the male psyche.

Over time, I’ve learned a lot about how men think, and I presume to understand a lot of what they feel, alhumdulillah. However, there are still moments when I’ll ask my husband to explain some things about his reaction, so I’m not sure if the genders will ever understand each other 100 percent.

Well, I guess life would be way too boring if we did.

Here are a few ways I have learned to communicate with my husband more effectively as a wife. It has vastly reduced our arguments and made us feel more on the same team than as one another’s opponents.

1. Don’t threaten your husband

Don’t say things like “Well, I’ll just leave!” or “Maybe we should get a divorce.” Women use these words to wake their husbands up, hoping that he’ll beg them to stay and make promises to change their ways, but it doesn’t work and does the opposite, pushing him further away.

2. Talk to your husband like he’s someone you love

We say we love our husband, but we treat him worse than some strangers. Love is respect, kindness, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and tolerance - to name a few. We think being close to a man means we can be our worst selves, and he has to accept this.

3. Timing is essential when talking to your husband

Don’t try to talk to your husband about complex subjects when he walks in the door from work, the house is in chaos, or you or he are having a hard day. Set a date with him by asking when is a good time to talk about so and so. Then go private and chat about what’s on your mind intending to solve and not moan.

4. Stick to the point with your husband

As women, we tend to talk and explain more than is necessary. Men prefer less fluff talk and more valid points discussed. The more you get to the meat of the problem, the better he’ll understand and find faster solutions.

5. If hubby isn’t looking at you, he’s probably not listening

If you see him drifting, he might feel overwhelmed by all your talking and explaining and lose interest. Stay on point and ask him to listen for a certain amount of time to finish, which will help him know the long story has an end.

*If you’re offended by this point, don’t read further.

I say this because the point of this article is for wives to learn HOW to communicate with their husbands effectively and not to get their husbands to listen to the way WE want. Remember, your husband is the man you love and have been intimate with, so wouldn’t you want to please him? And isn’t the outcome of communication to be heard and solve problems?

Ok, let’s move on to the next point.

6. Your husband can’t read your mind so say what you want

Don’t expect him to pick up your nonverbal cues. Just say what you want in a clear, non-accusing, and respectful way, and you’ll see how simple it can be to get your needs met by your husband.

7. Be positive in your talk with your husband

Avoid being Debbie-Downer who talks about people all the time and complains about life and problems. Your husband will tune you out because who wants Negative-Nellie around to chat with and feel more unmotivated. Most of the time, if you talk positive, he’ll be more willing to listen when you’ve got a real problem.

8. Listen without interruption to your husband’s response

Don’t’ react and interrupt your husband when it’s his turn to talk. First, hear him out, as your listening will let him know you’re not attacking him and you value his input. As the saying goes (I just made it up right now), on communicating, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and even slower to get angry.”

9. Be open to being corrected by your husband.

Our husbands are the leaders of the family, so in order for him to fulfill this role fully, he can’t be emotional and soft. He has to do what’s best for the family as a whole. So don’t get defensive if he corrects you or tells you to do something you don’t like. Lose the pride and emotional reaction and listen with reason. I cannot tell you how many times I thought I knew best, but my husband’s way turned out better long-term.

1o. Be appreciative of your husband’s attention

Always show your appreciation for all the small and big things your husband does for you, the family, and your home. From a heartfelt jazakallah khair to a sweet text for his advice, it validates his efforts and works wonders to motivate him to continue giving generously.

In Conclusion

All married couples argue, but some fight better than others, and good communication can significantly reduce the number of arguments a couple has.

That’s why it’s essential for communication to:

Be fair and non-judgemental.
Be on point and not off-topic.
Be clear and state your needs.
Be focused on seeking resolutions.

Avoid communicating where you:

Yell, scream or cry about your issues.
Blame him for all that’s gone wrong.
Use absolute phrases like “You ALWAYS…” and “You NEVER….”
Feel hostile inside and stew over problems until it builds up like a pressure cooker and you explode in anger.

It helps to keep in mind that your husband is not a mind-reader, no matter how well he knows you, and he also doesn’t think like your girlfriends, no matter how much you wish he did.

It is our responsibility to express what’s going on inside of us and ask clearly for our needs to be met like an adult. Think of gender communication as learning a foreign language. The more you practice, the better you’ll get at expressing yourself in ways that your husband will understand and appreciate.

Love these tips? Then Pre-order my upcoming book!

Salam, I’m Zakeeya!

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.