Lessons I Learned After My First Daughter Got Married
Becoming a mother is a life-changing experience full of joy, challenges, and priceless moments. Seeing your child grow and eventually embark on the journey of marriage is a one-of-a-kind experience that elicits a wide range of emotions.
As a mother whose first child recently married, alhumdulillah, I've been reflecting on the invaluable lessons this milestone has taught me, and I'd like to share my observations with other mothers who may be on a similar path or preparing for the day their child takes that important step into marriage.
The Lessons I Learned After my First Daughter Got Married
1. Embracing Change
Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is the importance of accepting my daughter's departure from our home. When your child marries, it marks a significant shift in the family dynamics, and you may not realize how things will never be the same again. Accepting and adapting to the new chapter in your daughter's life is essential for a mother to adopt gracefully. This does not imply completely abandoning your child, but rather striking a balance between staying connected and allowing them to form their own family.
2. Trusting theUpbringing
We spend years as mothers nurturing, teaching, and guiding our children. As a result, when our daughters marry, they reflect the values and principles instilled in them as children. We must sometimes have faith in the foundation we've laid and trust that our children will apply what they've learned in their marriage.
3. Surrendering Control
Mothers naturally want the best for their children and want to be involved in their lives. Marriage, on the other hand, is an adventure in which the couple must chart their own course. Allowing your daughter the freedom to make her own decisions, even if they differ from your expectations, is a crucial lesson in developing healthy relationships. Remember how you felt when you were her age, when you didn't know everything and had to learn on your own time and through your mistakes.
4. Strengthening the Mother-Child Bond
While relationships change, a mother's bond with her daughter endures. Finding new ways to strengthen this bond, whether through regular communication, visits, texts, phone calls, or shared family traditions, is critical. A strong mother-child relationship can provide both you and your daughter with support and comfort, especially during the transitional period of marriage and changing households.
5. Celebrating Differences
Marriage is the union of two individuals, each with their own personality, dreams, and goals. It is critical to embrace and celebrate your daughter and her new husband's distinct personalities in order to foster a harmonious relationship. Every person contributes something unique to the union, and as a mother, recognising and appreciating these differences contributes to a more positive family dynamic.
6. Improving Patience
Marriage, like any other relationship, has its ups and downs. One valuable lesson I've learned is the importance of exercising patience. When dealing with disagreements, navigating life's uncertainties, or adjusting to new family traditions and a new son-in-law, patience as a mother becomes a guiding virtue. As a parent, offering unconditional support and understanding during difficult times is an important contribution to your child's marital journey.
7. Being a Good Listener
Being a supportive listener is a skill that your daughter and her husband will appreciate in the hustle and bustle of daily life. Mothers can create a welcoming space for open communication in which a couple can express their ideas and concerns. Sometimes all it takes is a listening ear and a comforting presence to strengthen family bonds and provide the support a new couple requires.
8. Making Compromises
When it comes to maintaining peaceful relationships, finding common ground and making compromises ensures a healthy and balanced relationship between your family, your daughter's family, and your new in-law. You can exemplify these valuable lessons by demonstrating your ability to compromise with everyone and navigate disagreements with grace. Also, it is best not to expect everything to go the way you think is best, and to give the new couple the space and freedom to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes if necessary.
9. Respecting Boundaries
Maintaining a healthy relationship with your daughter and new son-in-law necessitates respecting their marital boundaries. While your love and concern remain unwavering, you must acknowledge that your daughter's primary allegiance is now with her husband. The ability to balance being supportive while also respecting their independence is a valuable lesson that promotes mutual respect and understanding. As a mother, it is difficult to let go of your child, but it is necessary for her to grow, thrive, and naturally develop her roots as a wife and mother in her new environment.
10. Cultivating Care as a Mother
It's easy to become preoccupied with the well-being of your children and family as a mother. However, after your children marry, it becomes increasingly important to cultivate self-care. Investing in personal interests, hobbies, and self-reflection benefits not only your own mental and physical health, but it also sets a good example for your child as they navigate the complexities of married life.
Witnessing my first daughter's marriage was a moving and transformative experience, but it was also sad and jarring to my heart. I remember sobbing uncontrollably the day after my daughter's nikah because reality hit me like a ton of bricks. However, I allowed myself to feel the loss and cried until all of my sadness was gone, before making dua for the happy couple and their future offspring, and thanking Allah SWT for the good that came from their marriage union.
I had to see this outcome as gaining a wonderful new son, some lovely extended family, and being thankful for my daughter finding a good husband and father for her future children, inshallah.
As mothers, we navigate transition by trusting Allah SWT, understanding that our children do not belong to us, and accepting the change as an extension of the important role we play in our children's lives as grandmothers and wise advisors when they need assistance.
This life-changing experience taught me so much, and I hope that if you're a mom who has or will go through something similar, you'll know you're not alone in your feelings of sadness, gladness, fears, and hope.
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe being a wife, a mother, and making our homes a sanctuary for our families brings us tremendous blessings, fulfillment, and improves society. Since 2011, I've been committed to helping Muslimas find tranquility in their roles, take better care of themselves, and attain contentment within. Our journey is not an easy one, but I pray the resources and mentoring I offer, will assist in navigating you through your everyday challenges with mindfulness and gratitude, inshallah. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! READ MORE
