How to Find a Husband and Prepare for Marriage

Many, many individuals frequently ask me, "How do I find a spouse?" It is one of the most commonly asked questions among singles, both men and women. I gained extensive experience with this topic when my daughter mentioned a year and a half ago that she wanted to get married. This began my path as a parent to find the best way to navigate an unfamiliar journey with my firstborn in order to provide her with a successful outcome that was consistent with Islam.

When I think back to when I was young and single, I lacked the knowledge and guidance needed to find a husband, and I had no idea how to prepare for the life-changing experience of marriage. This brought about more difficulty when trying to get married, which led to unnecessary stress and turmoil, as well as dealing with the many challenges of being in a new relationship. I pretty much had to figure things out by means of trial and error, and over time I learned painful lessons that I could have avoided because I knew nothing about men or marriage, let alone myself as a woman and my role as a wife.

Of course, feminism influences the majority of women today, and if we do not have sound guidance, it can cause a great deal of upheaval in our lives, both inwardly and outwardly, and as singles and wives. The reason is that feminism is incompatible with true family values and our Islamic beliefs. This cognitive dissonance leads women to believe they can be feminists while also having a fulfilling relationship with a husband who adores them. If you are aware of the biological differences between men and women, this is not only a fallacy that society propagates; it is also unrealistic.

I didn't want my daughter to go through what I did or what I hear many women going through in my mentoring sessions, so I made it my mission to assist her in pursuing marriage in the best way possible. I'm publishing my findings in this post in the hopes that it may assist many other singles in finding a husband who is suited for them with the blessings of Allah SWT. This process is directed at women, but with some tweaking, brothers can utilize it as a guide to finding a wife as well, inshallah.

How to Find a Husband and Prepare for Marriage

1. Set Your Intention

The first step is to communicate your intention to marry. Say bismillah and beseech Allah SWT to assist you in your quest to marry and find a suitable spouse that's just right for you and to help you become a better person and believer. Then inform your parents that this is what you want to fully pursue and how vital it is for them to support and advise you in reaching this goal.

2. Self-Reflect

The second step is to seriously consider whether you are mentally and emotionally mature enough to develop a healthy relationship with someone new. You might begin by making a list of your good and bad attributes and then asking family and friends to share your positive and negative qualities while listening to their opinions with an open mind.

3. Make Sincere Dua

Another step is to begin making earnest and sincere dua every day and as often as possible, such as after your fard salah, asking Allah SWT to grant you a righteous husband who will be the coolness of your eyes. You can ask Allah SWT to grant you someone with specific qualities and strengths that you admire and require, but be careful not to be overly specific, since you may receive what you ask for and have to cope with the consequences. For example, asking for a wealthy man may mean he offers you less time, while wanting a handsome man may mean he has more of an ego, and so on.

4. Ask for Dua

Next, ask your parents and other pious individuals to perform dua for you to find a decent spouse as soon as possible. What I've observed is that we occasionally make duas for a good spouse but don't specify when, so Allah SWT may grant us our wishes, but it may take a while. I like to use "asap" in my duas to indicate to my Lord that I want that thing right away.

5. Make an Effort

Begin to actively and consistently seek your future spouse by spreading the word among your family and friends, the imam at the masjid, your Muslim teachers, and local matchmakers. Don't be afraid to ask in order to avoid looking "desperate," as seeking to get married and the ones who help others get married are highly rewarded.

6. Broaden Your Search

If your local search is ineffective despite your best efforts, you can broaden your search by joining a reputable, quality online matrimonial website such as halfourdeen.com. However, I recommend that you do this with parental supervision and keep your wali on standby in case someone catches your eye, since online searching has it’s disadvantages.

7. Seek Pilgrims

If you know someone going on hajj or umra, ask them to pray for you to find a decent husband soon. My daughter did this, and Allahu Alim, if that was the reason for her successful union, alhumdulillah.

8. Take Advantage

Make your duas at the most opportune times, like when it is raining, when you are travelling, when you fast, or during an illness (even being on your hayd counts, as it is considered an illness). Also, keep up with your fards and avoid making sins to increase your barakah and chances of getting your duas answered.

9. Prepare Accordingly

Prepare for the potential of getting to know a man by understanding how to communicate effectively with men, as well as how they think and behave. Dr. John Gray's books Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, as well as his most recent book Beyond Mars and Venus, which explores our hormonal differences, provided me with a great deal of insight on this subject.

10. Do Pre-Marriage Prep

Compile a list of pre-marriage questions to prepare for when you find a compatible guy. This is an important step to take when you meet someone, as it will help you get to know the person’s mindset before falling in love with him, thus preventing you from minimizing their flaws. I've put together a helpful pre-marriage guide for singles (publishing in 2024 inshallah) that is intended to inspire conversations rather than interrogate them.

11. Adjust Your Mindset

Psychologically prepare for your path to marriage, understanding that it will be challenging, exhausting, and frustrating, and that on some days you’ll feel hopeless and want to give up searching. This is where many people give up and lament how they can’t find a good man. However, I believe it is because they give up too soon and send out negative vibes that attract negative outcomes for them. You need to maintain your focus and show Allah SWT your sincerity.

12. Live Your Life

Don't put your life on hold while you're "waiting" for a spouse; it could take a long time or come quickly. That is not in your control, so let it go and live your life. Continue to learn how to be a wife, mother, homemaker, enjoy your hobbies, study Islamic and beneficial knowledge, serve your parents and community, participate in charitable acts, do a trade that aligns with your femininity, study something that can serve you as a woman in your role as wife and mother for later, or, if you decide to work to save some money, earn from a halal job or run a non-stressful business.

13. Increase Ibadah

Perform nafl salahs such as salatul haja and tahajjud to increase the barakah of your duas, and pray istikhara anytime you need to make major or minor decisions, such as whether to even begin talking to someone.

14. Get in Optimal Shape

Work on achieving good health and getting fit physically. No one wants to marry a person who doesn’t take care of their wellbeing and who chooses to spend their days eating junk food, being addicted to social media, gossiping about others, and letting their weight go. Add to that the bad temperament of being ungrateful and cynical, and you will understand why some people find it tough to find a spouse!

15. Don’t Get Influenced

Do not let society, family, or friends discourage you from your desire to marry. Do not listen to people who tell you silly phrases like, "You are still young," because time passes faster than you think, "Go study first, then look," which is one of the dumbest pieces of advice because you can study after marriage, or "The right one will just pop up some day," which isn't true because you have to look for the right one earnestly.

16. Know Your Game

Start learning what attracts guys, not what women think guys are attracted to. Good Muslim men really want women who are feminine, well-groomed, well-mannered, God-fearing, agreeable, humorous, modest, smart yet humble, kind, neat, positive, grateful, and appreciative, to name a few. Women think men want females who are extremely beautiful, highly educated, have a top career, are flirty and extroverted, high achievers, and goal-setters—no wonder some women are staying single!

17. Set Time Aside

My daughter stopped studying and working full-time and decided to only focus on preparing herself to be a wife, but to find the right man for her. She came up with this all on her own, alhumdulillah, and even told us she is in "wife training," which was humorous but I was impressed at her initiative. I know this may seem obvious to some, but do you know how many women do not think they have to set aside time to find a spouse? They think they can study and work full-time and the man will just drop from the sky when they are ready.

The lies that people and society tell singles cause them to stay unmarried longer than they intend. If your parents are not supportive, seek assistance from other family members in your circle, as well as pious friends and community members. Make marriage a priority, or you'll be standing there waiting for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet for who knows how long. You need to attract your prince through intention, ibadah, hard work, resilience, and patience, just as you would for anything else major in life.

Let's save the unrealistic romantic fables for Hollywood movies and Harlequin novels. :D

Alhamdulillah, my eldest daughter followed these guidelines and after a year, found the ideal spouse for her needs. If she could do it, so can you, my dear sister! Don’t give up and make marriage a priority no matter what the majority says.

May Allah SWT protect our ummah’s marriages and keep us true to the laws of Islam, ameen.

Salaam, I’m Zakeeya

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman, inshallah. Read more about me here.