Understanding Our Nature as Women and Accepting Allah’s Design
There is an authentic Hadith whereby the Prophet SAW is directing men to be kind and patient with women because of their natural disposition, designed by Allah SWT. He SAW said:
"Treat women kindly. The woman has been created from a rib (the rib is crooked), and the most crooked part of the rib is in the upper region. If you try to make it straight, you will break it; and if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So treat women kindly." (Bukhari and Muslim)
“As is clear, the hadeeth includes the advice to be kind to women, to be gentle with them, and to bear the shortcomings that they may exhibit. Then the hadeeth clarified the reason for this advice, which is the fact that the woman is created from a crooked rib. This crookedness means that there is a deficiency in her by creation, because the woman is usually very emotional; her temper changes, she gets angry, her condition worsens, and her mind is weakened for the slightest reason.” (See source of reference)
In another authentic Hadith, the Prophet SAW said:
“The woman was created from a (crooked) rib, and she will never continue to be as you desire her to be (i.e. always obedient). If you enjoy her, you will do so while she still has that crookedness. If you try to straighten it, you will break her, and breaking her means divorcing her.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
"What is meant is not to diminish the status of the woman or that she is evil; rather, what is meant is that she is deficient in something upon which Allah has created her, and she has no control over it. (See source of reference)
“The fact that woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top, is something that was decreed by the divine decree, and woman is not responsible for that and she cannot object to her Creator so long as she is a believer, for He is Most Wise, Most Aware of what He creates and decrees. The fact that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) spoke about that is for the purpose of urging men to show kindness to women and to be patient in putting up with any annoyance that may come from them; they should not criticise women, rebuke them or belittle them.” (See source of reference)
In another authentic Hadith, the Prophet SAW said:
“Woman was created from a rib and she will never be consistent with you in any way. If you want to, you can enjoy your life with her, even though there is some crookedness in her, but if you try to straighten her you will break her – and breaking her means divorcing her.” (Sahih Muslim)
“Women were created with some natural weakness and their own inclinations; they are very jealous and easily swayed by emotions. Whoever overlooks that and forgives his wife’s mistakes will have an easy life with her, but whoever picks on every minor issue and wants to correct her in every single matter will have a lot of trouble with her and will not enjoy his life with her, and that will lead to his divorcing her. This is something that husbands and anyone who has dealt with marital issues is aware of. If a woman does not accept these facts, it is because she has never studied the issues of women with their husbands.” (See source of reference)
If you are upset after reading all this, take a deep breath and know that Allah is the Best of Planners.
If I had read some of this as a young woman lacking in Islamic knowledge, I would have been upset to learn about my female nature as sounding deficient. I also hear certain female scholars online, who cater to a more feminist-minded audience, whitewash these hadith or omit mentioning them to avoid women feeling “insulted.”
To be honest, I actually felt relieved after reading these hadith along with the various explanations about the nature of women. Of course, after developing deeper iman through the years, I also do not question anything Allah SWT has ordained—ever. Rather, I have learned to accept His Wisdom and to understand that it is merely my limitation in thinking and my lack of knowledge that makes me unable to grasp why He created women a certain way.
I also do not take what I have learned about my nature as a woman as “insulting” or “lacking” in any way, because I now have a better understanding of what it means to be female. I know that, at times, we women can be challenging to deal with, so I love how men are obligated to give us some slack.
After I shared these hadith with my husband—who knew them but had forgotten about them—I felt that he better understood my nature as a woman and why he should treat me with extra kindness and patience compared to how he treats males. It has explained so much to me about my female nature, and if you are truly honest with yourself as a woman, you will have this realization as well.
Realistically, women can be a handful, and we are way more complicated than men! At least now we know that Allah SWT created us this way by design and for good reason. It has been such a relief to finally learn about my innate nature as a female, and it shouldn’t make us feel inadequate. After all, men are told to be kind and patient with their wives, and the best of men are those who are best to their families.
If you have ever dealt with other women or know yourself well, you will agree that females can be irrational at times, especially when we are young and hot-headed. Most of us become upset rather quickly when someone hurts us or when we face a challenging situation.
We also experience multiple fluctuations throughout our days—hormonal imbalances, menstruation, pregnancy, postpartum, menopause, and more. From my understanding of what the Prophet SAW said about women, it is clear that he instructed men to treat us with extra TLC. He did not instruct men to extend the same leniency to one another.
I know that some women will be highly offended by these hadith if they have not heard them before or read the tafsir, astaghfirullah, thinking that it merely means women are less valuable than men. But this is not the case. I have learned that no matter how much you try to explain to certain women that a statement does not mean the worst, they will continue to argue and claim it is oppression.
Thus, when I share articles like these, I do not aim my content at the whiners but at the thinkers. As I journey to learn more about Islam and how Allah SWT created men and women to be perfectly compatible, I begin to understand so much more about human nature and why males and females can never be the same, no matter how much some fight against it.
Here’s another bombshell for the feminists to freak out about, but as Muslim women, we accept it wholeheartedly—a woman was created after a man, and we were created from one soul, to be mates for men. Allah SWT says in the Quran:
“O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you (Adam) from one soul and created from it its mate (Eve) and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allāh, through whom1 you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allāh is ever, over you, an Observer.” (4:1)
“It is He who created you from one soul (Adam) and created from it its mate (Eve) that hemight dwell in security with her. And when he [i.e., man] covers her, she carries a light burden [i.e., a pregnancy] and continues therein. And when it becomes heavy, they both invoke Allāh, their Lord, "If You should give us a good [child], we will surely be among the grateful." (7:189)
Now that I’m older and wiser, I feel honored that women are treated differently and with more protection, alhamdulillah. I don’t need to feel equal to men when I can feel privileged to be a woman and a treasure. I am also aware that our good and bad deeds as females are measured the same as those of males, and so there is spiritual equality, which is all that matters in the long run when your aim is to achieve Jannatul Firdous, inshaAllah.
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Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
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