The Myths About Finding a Husband and Why Some Women Stay Single

Womanhood

Dec 20

Finding a good Muslim man is not an easy task, yet many women assume it is. They fall for the Hollywood version of romance—imagining a perfect man who will drop into their lives, accept them unconditionally regardless of their behavior, and remain faithful no matter what.

Some also believe the "right" husband must be wealthy, fully established, and really handsome. However, these aren’t the best reasons to choose a life partner. The sooner a woman understands men and relationships from a realistic and factual perspective, the higher her chances of finding the right man sooner.A man needs to accept me for who I am

Many women think that they don’t need to do any personal development to attract a man. They have been told blatant lies by feminism, like they need to be accepted for who they are and that they are perfect, and they believe in idiotic phrases like “You are enough." A woman needs to work on herself constantly and actually work on attracting a man like the women of the past.

Myths That Keep Women Single

1. A man needs to accept me for who I am

Many women assume they don’t need to work on themselves to attract a husband. Feminism has propagated ideas like “You are perfect as you are” and “You are enough,” which can lead to complacency. Personal growth and self-improvement are essential—not just for attracting a husband but for a fulfilling life. Women in the past understood the importance of actively seeking a partner and preparing themselves to be one too.

2. Allah SWT will send me someone, so I don’t need to do anything

This belief assumes no effort is required, which contradicts the saying, "Tie your camel." You must set your intentions with Allah SWT and then take active steps—within halal boundaries—to seek a spouse. Waiting passively won’t bring Mr. Right to your doorstep.

3. I need to glam-up and go out partying to find a guy

Sure, you might meet someone that way, but what kind of man will he be? Engaging in mixed gatherings or flirting at college or work often leads to the wrong kind of relationships, filled with turmoil and heartache. If you want barakah in your marriage, seek a spouse through halal means and stop thinking you have to lose your values to find a decent husband.

4. Arranged marriages are too old-fashioned for me

Arranged marriages, when done Islamically and not culturally, have a strong success rate. They often involve the wisdom and guidance of two sets of families who prioritize compatibility. Arranged relationships do not mean anyone is forced to marry - in actual fact, it is simply when a man and a woman are suggested to one another as being a good match. If they both agree to the relationship, they have the support of others to facilitate the union.

5. I think that when a man’s mother intervenes, he’s a mama’s boy

A good man may involve his mother in finding a wife, reflecting his respect for family. Dismissing such men because of societal stereotypes or your pride could cause you to miss out on a great husband. How a man treats his mother is often an indicator of how he will treat his wife.

6. Spreading the word to my family and friends means I’m desperate

Getting married brings high reward and barakah for the couple as well as for the ones who bring couples together. There is no shame in spreading the word to your family and friends that you are ready to get married and thus would appreciate any recommendations. Especially if you ask people who love you to help in your search, they will only send you good prospects and not mismatched ones.

7. Matrimonial platforms aren’t for me

If you live in a small community or have specific preferences, reputable Islamic matrimonial sites can expand your options. These platforms, when aligned with Islamic principles and require involving your wali, provide safe and meaningful opportunities to find a good man. Don’t bother with any site that includes dating or has low criteria for applicants as this will minimize you going through bad experiences and running into opportunists.

8. Local matchmakers are just nosy aunties

Maybe, but why assume the worst and not keep your options open? These nosy matchmakers are mostly sincere ladies, and their networking within the community is awesome! Check your local masjids and organizations as some of them have established matrimonial services and know of individuals who specialize in connecting potential spouses.

9. I need to be highly educated to attract a man

Sadly, some men and their families may want an “educated woman” in the secular sense, but do you want a man who wants you for your degree or for your good qualities, character, and ilm? A man who wants a highly educated woman may expect her to work and help him pay the bills, so is this a lifestyle you want, especially after kids? Education is not only earning a degree at college but being knowledgeable in what really matters, like studying about the deen, communication, child-rearing, organizing, nutrition, teaching, etc., which would help you be a better parent, homemaker, and intelligent aid to your husband (which will end-up being your primary responsibilities, so why not excel in them).

10. I need a good career for a man to treat me as his equal

Do you truly believe most men judge a woman’s worth by her career? Or do you think males judge women by their modesty, purity, kindness, attractiveness, and personality? If more women worked on achieving optimal health, grooming, and learning about men, marriage, cooking, organizing, etc., the more their marriages would last. A real man would be uncomfortable with his wife working in an environment where she has to intermingle with men and place priority of a job and deadlines over her husband and family.

11. I need to be highly motivated to compete with a man

Good men don’t want to marry another man, astaghfirullah. They want a real woman who offers them comfort and brings solace and tranquility in the home. A real man never wants his wife to compete with him in a masculine way, but rather, he wants his wife to offer her feminine qualities that motivate him to excel in his roles as protector and provider.

12. I believe that beauty is the only way to attract a man

If this were true, then average women would all be single. Of course, Allah SWT loves beauty, so which person wouldn’t love it too? But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what men find attractive is different to what women find appealing. A woman who is feminine, well-groomed, and knows how to communicate and please a man is much more beautiful than a woman who just is visually striking. Many beautiful women are quite self-centered and selfish, and smart men know this, so they would rather be with an attractive woman than a highly beautiful one for long-term.

13. Seeking advice from others is outdated

Thinking you know everything because you have access to the internet and social media is a big fallacy nowadays. It is still best to seek advice from those more experienced and learned than you. The more advice you receive from those you respect and admire, the greater the chance of you attaining a similar lifestyle to theirs. Therefore it is crucial to see the real picture of those you admire and understand the full package - meaning, you can’t pick the only the good parts without accepting the bad.

14. Finding a husband should be easy because I’m a catch

No man wants a privileged, spoilt, or entitled woman. It is good to have healthy confidence, know your worth, and even think of yourself as attractive, especially if you take good care of yourself. However, don’t let your looks go to your head, because a beautiful personality and good character are much more attractive. We should always strive to continually improve ourselves, because outer beauty may attract many guys, but we you want to aim for quality over quantity, remember?

15. Cute guys are the good guys; average guys are jerks

Having the mindset of a typical teenage girl will leave you thinking that cute guys can do no wrong and that average guys who are interested in you are all jerks. Smart women know that looks come with issues and that you can’t judge a man only by his height, muscles, and smile. Cute guys get away with much more and receive a lot of attention from women, so this is something to take into consideration after marriage. A less attractive guy or someone average may be more loyal and devoted to you since he will be working on other areas of himself.

16. A man must be fully established before I’ll consider him

There may be only 10% of men on earth who are fully established before marriage, so unless you are in the top 10% of the most amazing women, you may have to lower your high standards. The top percent of men have a lot to offer via wealth and status, and pretty much have their pick of women. It is ridiculous to think that the chances of meeting successful guys are high and that a young man needs to be fully established to marry you. Most couples grow together after marriage and establish their home and accumulate wealth as a team and with the barakah from being married.

17. A man must cater to my needs because I’m the woman

That’s how modern, spoilt, and childish women think who did not learn anything about men and what it means to be female. From my experience, these sisters cant get married, don’t last long married, or get cheated on because of their feministic mindset.

Remember, finding a life partner is a personal journey that isn’t easy or is a one-size-fits-all approach. It's essential to adhere to the process with sincerity, patience, and a commitment to your own values and principles. I recommend creating a detailed and honest profile about yourself, which highlight your looks, values, morals, interests, and what you are realistically looking for in a husband, but especially add what you have to offer a man - something many women leave out.

18. I’m waiting because I deserve a hefty mahr and a lavish wedding

Good luck to you and sad if you think this way. The mahr needs to be a decent amount and based on your future husband’s means. A big wedding is not only a complete waste of time and money, but a major burden on families (especially the parents). Many wedding cermonies nowadays are filled with fitna and wasteful extravagance which is disliked in Islam. Often wanting a high mahr and lavish wedding will limit your options and may push the sincere guys away who are not materialistic or wealthy.

19. Older or previously married men aren’t an option for me

Sometimes, marrying an older man or a man who was married before may be a good option if you are a woman who wants a guy who is more responsible, mature, and established. If a man was widowed or divorced before, he will have gained certain experiences that may make him a better person. Often these guys will not want to repeat the same mistakes from their previous marriage, so you could get the best of him and someone who will appreciate the goodness in you, especially if his ex was mean.

An older man is a good option to consider if you want to avoid going through the ups and downs with a man who is still establishing himself, may be more preoccupied with work, or behaves more irresponsibly and restlessly due to his youth. Sometimes older men are more patient and wise, and you can have a more secure marriage with them, so it is good not to dismiss this option.

Even with all these points mentioned, choosing a husband is tough, so you need to have an open mind and choose a man based on his faith and fear of his Creator. Everything else can fall into place, when you find a practicing, good Muslim, who follows the laws of Islam. This type of man will strive to be the best he can be and a great husband because that is what the Prophet SAW was, and any man of faith will want to emulate him.

May Allah SWT grant you success, my dear sister in finding a husband that is just right for you, ameen!

Salaam, I’m Zakeeya

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman, inshallah. Read more about me here.