Teaching Our Daughters About Hijab In Today's Times
I felt compelled to write on the topic of the online misrepresentation of the hijab. First, as a Muslim, and second, as a concerned parent of teen daughters. For over a year in my drafts folder, I had this article, afraid of publishing it for fear of offending anyone.
However, after watching an inspiring video by Nour Goda called "The Struggle of Adopting Hijab in Today's World," I was inspired to publish this post, as I felt we needed to be informed. As a parent of older girls, I was relieved to hear a Muslim discuss the issue facing hijabis amongst the new generation. I will share sister Nour's eye-opening video at the end of this post for elaboration.
I started writing on this topic when I noticed the "hijabi" influencers growing on my Instagram feed. I felt uncomfortable to think of my daughters following some of these sisters who claimed to be "modest." I already have a hard time keeping my girls from adopting the latest fashion trends, like skinny jeans, short tops, and tights!
So imagine if I promoted the online hijabis, I would look like quite the hypocrite to them. At that point, I knew our daughters needed clarity on the topic of hijab in Islam because I doubted I was the only parent who dealt with this issue.
Sadly, our girls are being misinformed about the real concept of what hijab encompasses, compared to the Muslima fashionistas' portrayal. As a parent, I am disheartened by the online portrayal of hijab that conflicts with the Quran and Sunnah.
If you perform a Google search on the hijab, you will see countless images of women wearing a headscarf. However, many of them wear it with a face plastered with makeup and fake eyelashes, figure-hugging clothing, and mannerisms that are flirty and sultry.
Even as a young girl who did not understand the essence of hijab properly, nor implement the correct manner of adorning it, I knew it did not make sense to wear it with tight clothes and a ton of makeup. I also never thought it was okay to look sexy and tempting when wearing a headscarf because the purpose of the hijab is to deter attention, not draw it.
Our daughters nowadays have the online aspect, which is sending conflicting messages to them about hijab. This is causing a "cognitive dissonance," as Nour Goda mentions in her lecture. When we experience cognitive dissonance, we have inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially regarding behavioral decisions and attitude change. When our Islamic beliefs conflict with what we observe Muslims doing, our girls deal with the turmoil.
As mothers and fathers, we are left repairing and explaining this dysfunction to our daughters. I do not know about you, but I find that much more complicated than explaining modesty based on Muslim vs. Non-Muslim.
I'm not judging or being a naysayer to my online hijabi sisters by any means. My intention is merely to educate our daughters that the hijab is not only a headscarf, and the portrayal of hijab online is not accurate. Our girls need to know that hijab is not about personal choice, but about obeying the Laws of Allah SWT, Who commanded us to do it. It is also about maintaining modesty as a Muslim woman because our Lord loves haya. The Prophet ﷺ said,
"Verily, Allah the Exalted is Modest and Concealing; and He loves modesty and concealment…" (Bukhari and Muslim).
I'm also not here to tell any online influencer with a headscarf to stop doing what she is doing. However, as a Muslim parent of 3 teen girls, I will say this to her…
When you speak to an audience of Muslim girls in the public eye, you do have a responsibility to the ummah. You are speaking on behalf of those who can't speak and influencing impressionable girls. You could be a factor in a girl adopting the hijab correctly or not, and this is not comparable to what you do in private for yourself.
If I ever met a hijabi influencer, I would ask her to please differentiate between modesty vs. fashion. Please distinguish for them hijab versus wearing a headscarf, and define their fashion as their own and not from Islam.
We all are answerable for what we do, but also for what we promote to others. The bigger the platform, the bigger the responsibility. This also applies to what we do on our social media, especially if we have it set to public. We need to be so careful about the message we are relaying to groups of people because it is no minor matter, and we will be held accountable.
To parents, I want to say…
Teach your daughter what proper hijab means. Tell her it is an act of obedience to God first and a sign of modesty next, which says to society, "I am not your eye candy." Mention that hijab is not merely wearing a headscarf but is all-encompassing. It is the modesty of the inside and outside, of your dress, mannerisms, and speech.
Explain that when hijab is adopted correctly, it demands respect because we are not judged by body image but by character and intellect. Ask your daughter if it makes sense to wear tight clothes, lots of makeup, to flirt and pout, then wear a headscarf and call it hijab. At the very least, let her differentiate right from wrong to avoid cognitive dissonance, leading to confusion.
It may sound harsh to some, but I also tell my daughters that after puberty, if they do not practice hijab, they are in a state of disobedience to their Lord. They will be sinning every time they leave the house without the required modesty. Our girls do not need fairy tales; they need the truth from us because some of them may not realize this and take it too lightly.
As parents, we should also be on the lookout for role models online and offline for our daughters. Young girls want to feel supported and look towards other women, so ensure their examples are wholesome.
Point out women who look fashionable in loose clothes, naturally well-groomed, and display virtuous mannerisms, even if they are not Muslim. We can promote the stories of the great women in Islam who displayed strength and intelligence without being an object of desire.
Of course, mothers need to check themselves too, and ensure they adopt hijab correctly in all facets - because remember, our children are watching us.
Listen to an inspiring lecture by one of my favorite speakers, Sister Nour Goda
And this is another amazing lecture by Dr. Aysha Wazwaz (thanks to Sr. Amina in the comments)
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
