12 Reasons Why I Choose to Not be a Feminist
If you believe that feminists gave women their rights, you are sorely mistaken because Islam has always given females their rights.
Even though feminists brought legal rights to women in misguided modern societies, over the years, it's turned into male-bashing and women-need-to-act-like-men campaigns.
Women are subtly convinced that they need to "change" and adopt male characteristics to be considered "equal." If there ever was an oppressive statement towards women, it's that!
For many obvious reasons, I find myself disgusted by most of the ideals of the feminists and feel compelled to begin sharing the thoughts of the silent majority of women.
These so-called "female rights" movements prefer to blame and shame men for their problems because it's easier to point fingers than to take responsibility for themselves.
So I'm going to share the obvious reasons why I don't ever see myself adopting or propagating being a feminist (besides the fact that I'm also not too fond of labels). I hope you'll read this article with an open mind and maybe find similarities in how you feel.
12 Reasons I Can't Be A Feminist
1. I love and admire men
I love so many things about my husband, my father, my brothers, and my sons. They have qualities that I admire but do not necessarily want to emulate. For example, I love when my husband and sons are handymen and fix things around the house or change the oil in my car. I do not want to do any of those things myself, especially to show that I can.
2. I'm fine admitting I can't do everything
There I said it, ladies. I can't do it all, I don't want to do it all, and I'm okay with not doing it all. Why should I prove to anyone that I can do everything? It's not only exhausting, but it's also unnecessary, and shhh... no one really cares that you can.
3. I love being a wife
Yes, I do. I love being married, being a wife, and having a strong husband to take care of the bills and protect our family. I know he'll save the day if I need him and hug me if I ask when I'm sad (to name a few).
4. I love being a mom who raises her children
I know without a doubt that I raise my children better than any daycare or nanny can. I enjoy and feel proud to be a stay-at-home mom since having kids, and I feel no guilt or regret that I wasn't present enough when they act up. I'm there for my kids when they need me, and it feels incredible!
5. I don't generalize a few bad guys to judge a whole gender
I don't believe that all men are bad, oppressive, abusive, or narcissistic. I also think we need to stop labeling males and self-diagnosing people like we're qualified psychiatrists. To be fair, I've had more women abuse me than any man in my life. Not to say there aren't nasty guys but aren't there nasty women too?
6. I love our gender differences
I don't want to be like a man to show that I'm equal. I feel women are more privileged than men anyway, and to be honest, I think men have it tougher. They have to do many difficult and dirty jobs in life (just watch an episode of "Dirty Jobs" and "Deadliest Catch" to know what I'm saying). The stuff I see men endure is something I wouldn't wish on another woman if I cared about her well-being.
7. I believe Allah SWT created us to complement and not compete with one another
Our Lord created us differently, and who knows us better than our Creator? He divided us into two genders to help one another thrive and be companions. If men and women were meant to compete, Allah SWT would have created a society of only men, astaghfirullah.
8. I believe there are many, and I see good men around all the time
There are way more good men than there are bad. So why should the good guys suffer just because of a few bad apples? How many rotten men do you see compared to how many decent men you see around? And if you're going off hearing the words from dissatisfied wives, know that there are two sides to every marriage story.
9. I could not be a fair parent if I were a feminist
I simply could not be unbiased toward my sons and daughters. My girls would get special treatment by shunning their female responsibilities, yet my sons would be accountable for their male responsibilities. In a nutshell, that's what feminism is, the female's choice to say, "I don't need to do that because I have rights," or in other words, "women are privileged, and men are not."
10. I don't have daddy issues or blame men for past hurt
My father wasn't perfect (heck, neither am I), and we had our differences. I loved him very, very much (sadly, he's passed away, yarhamah). He was a practicing Muslim who raised me well and kept me from haram. He provided us with a lovely home, food, clothes, and whatever necessities we needed without ever asking for thanks.
Now that I understand more about the male psyche, I realize how much I took him for granted and how he bore our family's responsibilities with courage. I don't think of what he could have done better as a father; I focus on how much he did as a loving, caring dad.
11. I've witnessed real successful women putting family first
I have aunts who are traditional, strong women. However, no matter what they did to earn an income, they always put their husband, kids, and home first. They were great cooks with orderly homes and saw to their children's needs, all the while having a side gig to earn money for the extras.
I regard my aunts as successful because they never complained that their wife and mom roles were oppressive. They didn't want to be the man of the house and loved being women! They found comfort in taking time for themselves and got the support they needed from other women like them. They had internal joy and chose careers that allowed them to be flexible and put family first.
12. I understand my place and accept my responsibilities
Every one of us has responsibilities in life, and we are all under some kind of leadership. Whether to a boss, teacher, friend, parent, etc., we always have a tier of power. So it baffles me why it's taboo to be under our husband's lead. As we know, there can only be one captain of a ship and one president of a country at a time.
One of the responsibilities of women to society is to bear children; thus, we are biologically wired to be more nurturing than men to fit that role. I accept this wholeheartedly and do not want to shun my motherhood responsibilities in place of a career, plain and simple.
Look, I am not saying women should not have a career at all, especially if you're a single mom. I am talking to those women who have a choice and want to shun their roles to prove a point to society and men.
You can have a career as a wife and mom, I do, but it's what you do and how you do it. When your career overtakes your wifely and motherly responsibilities, that's when you need to question your intentions. I always ask myself these tough questions,
"When I am old inshallah, will I be satisfied with the legacy I leave?"
And…
"If I die tomorrow, will my actions matter for the greater good and my afterlife?"
That has really put things into perspective for me, especially when I claim to submit to being a devoted servant of Allah SWT.
May Allah SWT accept all our efforts as a spouse and a parent and grant us Jannatul Firdous for our immense sacrifices. May our intentions remain pure, and the choices we make be based on wisdom and the akhira, ameen.
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I admire these three Muslim women who discuss feminism and liberalism from an Islamic perspective. Check out sisters Farhat Amin, Zara Faris, and Nour Goda’s discussion in these informative videos below.
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
