We Don’t Need to Hate on Men to Have Rights as Women
I’ve always wondered, "Why do feminists propagate that women gain their rights by trampling on the rights of men?” It's as if society only knows two extremes; to be the abuser or to be abused. What happened to simply being fair, balanced, and just to all of humanity? That definitely sounds like a more Islamic concept to me than feminism.
Think of this logically.
If you know a few women in your life who were oppressed by men (and it was verified), does that mean the entire population of four billion men (as of 2020) are oppressive to women? Must all men suffer the smear of a few misguided guys? Personally, I know of two friends who divorced their husbands, claiming they were wronged, yet both ended up getting the kids, house, car, and most of the belongings. They came out victorious and had slandered their ex-husbands to the community, so the men could never show their face with dignity again.
The women around the sisters cheered them on like they were heroines, yet not one of those women ever witnessed the abuse or heard what had happened from the man’s side. This gave me pause, as I wondered if we ever know the full story of what happens behind closed doors, especially in a marriage. And I see how feminism has blinded so many women to the concept of “innocent until proven guilty.”
This is neither Islamic nor a just way of thinking.
We all know that women are more vocal than men when it comes to being wronged, and the abuse of women is more frowned upon than the abuse of men. Though males do get abused by females, it's merely more acceptable in society and not taken seriously. The scars are internal, and men are considered to be more emotionally strong, so they can “take it.” Abuse towards either gender is a sin, and the punishment is the same in Islam, which tells us there are no gender privileges when it comes to right and wrong.
I’ve seen it multiple times amongst family and friends, where husbands are criticized, demeaned, mocked, joked about, and emasculated by their wives in front of others. No one says a word to stand up for this kind of abuse, rather, people laugh about it thinking the wife is smart to not stand for her husband’s nonsense. Yet if the tables were turned, and the husband was ostracizing his wife in public, he'd be considered such a jerk!
How come we allow this double standard?
I used to follow a popular Muslima on Instagram, until I was perturbed one day by her post. She published a picture of herself standing next to her husband in beautiful clothes and surroundings. In her pose, her head was turned, looking at her husband with a discontented smear on her face, while he looked ahead smiling, seemingly oblivious to her expression. The photo spoke volumes to her large audience of women and I thought how ungrateful we wives can act sometimes, especially since her feed showed her husband's support many times.
I felt sad for that man as I couldn’t imagine how he felt afterwards, seeing that post and reading the comments from multiple women jesting about him thinking “it’s cute”. I couldn’t think of doing that to any man, nevermind my own husband, because I know how those kinds of acts can bruise a man’s heart. It clearly proved to me how accepting society is of a woman making her husband a laughing stock, but what an uproar it would be if it were the other way around.
I’ve taken a stance against this inequality.
We should believe in the rights of both women and men as Allah SWT has ordained. He Created us different to compliment and not compete with one another and He Knows best what will fulfill our needs. I refuse to be part of an injustice towards any gender, even if the whole world is okay with it - And you should too as a righteous believer.
Sadly, many of the women I meet nowadays, are either backbiting their husbands or male-bashing some guy they know. It’s disheartening! When I speak out against this as wrong, I’m unsupported and become unpopular amongst my girlfriends who think I don’t understand how it is. I've been asked things like, “How can you not support your own gender?” “Are you okay with the oppression of women?” “Wow, are you a woman-hater?” I don't know how wanting both sexes to thrive makes any of those statements true, but this is the one-track mind we’re dealing with in a society distorted by feminists.
To give an example, one of my friends was trying to give me unwanted marriage advice. Anyone who knows me sees I’m happy to be a stay at home mom and a traditional wife. When I stopped my friend in her tracks and refused to backbite my husband or claim my life wasn't satisfying enough, she became nasty and told me she's trying to help because I’m blind and oppressed!
Some of my family members say I'm under my husband's thumb because I had six kids, I don't criticize him, I'm loyal, and check with him before making decisions. I’m guessing if I exposed my husband’s faults and claimed discontent as a wife and a mom, I'd be considered “liberated”. How sad is the world we live in, where male-bashing is the new fashion! How come backbiting one’s husband is not frowned upon as the big sin it is and considered a form of abuse by the wife?
If you understand how Allah Created a man to think and feel, or you know anything about the nature of a man’s psyche, you’ll undoubtedly see the impact of a wife’s disloyalty and criticism of her husband. It’s one of the worst things you can do to a man to cause him pain, anguish, and make him not care for you. True, men and women don't react the same way, but this doesn’t make either one of them a lesser human being. If we remember that God created men to think in a more linear way, we will gain a deeper understanding of the male gender and know that many of them are honorable and good but highly misrepresented.
I’ve witnessed too many women justify male-bashing because, “It’s okay, all men are oppressive and unfaithful anyway”. Maybe it's a syndrome, I'm not sure, but often times the oppressed can become the oppressor. It takes someone with good character, wisdom, intellect, and compassion to overcome the need to blame their abuser and justify it. Many of the man-haters and pro-feminists I know, have become so due to believing they have been abused by a man.
In no way am I saying their abuse is not valid or detrimental, but I can say with surety that I've seen just as many men being abused by women verbally and mentally. You see, abuse has many faces and a woman's tongue can be a silent weapon in the destruction of relationships. As we know, abuse is many times not seen in the form of physical but rather emotional scars. Also, we do not hear much about the abuse of men for two reasons:
Men don't complain because it's not masculine nor part of their nature to show weakness.
Society expects men to act tough when facing hardships and will mock them if they complain.
The funny thing is, society wants men to act like men when the need arises, yet back down when women behave like men when it suits the situation. How's that working out for us? Are women really happier nowadays? I’m sorry to say, I don't see the women around me thriving in any other area but their careers, yet I do notice a lot of women complaining how busy, stressed, and exhausted they are.
Is the male-bashing fixing anything? I don’t believe so.
I remember seeing my three amazing traditional aunts back in the 90’s, laughing and feeling carefree as women. They greatly impacted their families and the community, while maintaining a house, raising their children, and working from home. They "ruled the roost" in a gentle manner which was still respectful to their husbands and devoid of male-bashing to show whose in charge. I witnessed their joy, something I do not see in the women of today. I never considered them as being oppressed, but admired how capable they were in their shrewd cleverness.
So I refuse to fall for the feminists and liberals trap, and you should ask yourself the same thing. Do we really need to gain our rights as women by blaming men? Shouldn't we focus on the oppressor as a individual instead of a whole gender? So many women are lapping up feminism when it takes a moment to think clearly about what's going on. There's a hidden agenda and the words "women's rights" have been nicely packaged to simply mean:
Hate on men.
You don't need to take care of your kids.
Your husband is the bad guy.
I say no thanks to all the falsehood. Fortunately we don't need to do it society's way, we always have a choice and can overcome the brainwashing. We can choose to be balanced and just to all of humanity like Islam teaches us, and adopt the rights we’ve already been given as Muslimas. If people don’t follow our true religious rulings, that’s a fault on them not a whole gender.
A great place to start implementing healthy, positive gender understanding and cooperation starts with our sons and daughters. Teach your older kids how Allah Created men and women alike yet different, and how we are meant to compliment one another and not compete. A highly recommended read for you and your older kids is the popular bestselling book by Dr. John Gray, Beyond Mars and Venus. It gives insight into the psyche of both genders and how we are both wired to think, feel, and act based on scientific evidence.
Let’s Make Dua
May Allah SWT accept all our efforts as women, wives, and mothers and grant us Jannatul Firdous for our sacrifices and good intentions. And may we be guided to the straight path of our Prophet PBUH and the righteous women and believers in Islam, ameen.
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Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
