20 Ways To Make Your Husband Care Less About You
We say we love our husband. Then if so, wouldn't we want to please him and honor him? Unless our kind of love is conditional and comes with strings attached!
True, unconditional love in a marriage is giving for the pleasure of the other person. It’s making sacrifices for your spouse’s comfort as well as respecting and accepting him for who he is, through the good and the bad (of course we're not talking about abuse).
Conditional love is a tit for tat kind of loving. It’s a “you rub my back and I’ll rub yours” giving. There's so much more I could say about true love, but this isn't the post to explain it. Rather, in this article, you'll learn 20 ways to displease your husband, no matter what kind of man he is.
My focus on writing this post, is to speak to us as wives, not out of bias, rather, because women are my audience. Also, nowadays I'm noticing how society has placed greater pressure on the men who displease their wives, but fail to berate the women who displease their husbands.
So in efforts to even things out a bit in society, and discuss the alarming increase in disrespectful behavior towards husbands, I’m covering this topic - please don't assume anything more or anything less. As Muslims, we should be just and fair to all and when we see something wrong or imbalanced, we need to speak out against it.
Sadly, I've noticed over the years how many wives behave in ways that are detrimental to their marriage, and in the past, I was guilty of some of these things too. That's why, if you find some of the points I mention sounding familiar, it just might be why dear hubby is not being too loving and affectionate.
Let’s not be defensive but be open to improving ourselves - because those are traits of a mu'mina!
20 Ways To Make Him Care Less About You
1. Talk ill of him to your kids either in front of him or behind his back (he’ll know).
2. Backbite and ridicule him to your friends, or worse, his family or your family (he’ll find out).
3. Complain or nag about your needs and wants like a child having a tantrum, instead of expressing your desires like a woman.
4. Treat him like a child because you’ve determined that he acts like one.
5. Treat him as if he’s stupid or incompetent because you don't agree how he does things, or maybe you just think you're smarter.
6. Ensure he sees to himself in everything, because after all, marriage is supposed to be 50/50 and you have enough to do!
7. Disrespect him, talk down and speak rudely to him, or yell and cuss at him whenever you’re overwhelmed or in a bad mood.
8. Ignore his advice because you think you know better and his ideas don't really jive with your plans.
9. Compare him to other men, or worse, your friend's spouse or a family member’s husband.
10. Feel the need to control him - where he goes, what he does, who he follows, and especially how he parents’ the kids.
11. Guilt him into taking you out more or buying you things, and blame him for your unhappiness and discontent.
12. Call him by weak and silly names instead of strong, tough-guy endearments.
13. Laugh at him, instead of with him.
14. Think of your issues and problems mostly and not put yourself in his shoes.
15. Take over the finances because you think you can budget better and thus emasculate him.
16. Make decisions without checking with him because after all, how can his opinion be better than your girlfriend?
17. Be unforgiving of his sins and not forget his mistakes, because you think your slate is pretty pristine.
18. Bring up his imperfections and your past fights when you want to strengthen your argument.
19. Think that he should be the perfect husband because after all, you chose to marry him so how dare he overstep!
20. Ask for his help and then accept it by making adjustments or critiquing it.
These points sound quite harsh when it's written down in black and white for us to reflect. Some of us may even recognize these traits and feel guilty for falling into them. But there is always hope, mercy, and a fresh start inshallah. Plus, in these cases, men are very forgiving of their wives upon realization.
It pains me to say, I’ve based this post on the wives I’ve known, coached, and met throughout my life and there’s been only a handful of them who don’t blame their husbands for everything wrong and are appreciative of him. In turn, I’ve witnessed that grateful wives are more adored and spoilt, and their marriage is thriving even through their challenges alhumdulillah.
Also, I speak from my own experience.
Unfortunately, society or feminists are telling the wives of today that our husbands have to earn our respect. However, respect is not only earned, it's given to certain people in our lives because of their role. I explain this further in my article Your Husband Deserves Your Respect - a post I highly recommend.
Let’s Make Dua
May Allah SWT accept all our efforts as women, wives, and mothers and grant us Jannatul Firdous for our sacrifices. May our intentions always remain pure and just, and align with righteousness and the women of praradise, ameen.
I've added a video that I found on YouTube that explains what respect really means to a man to further elaborate my points. I hope you enjoyed this post and always love to hear your comments and thoughts. :)
I did not know many of these tips when I got married, and it caused lots of issues and problems in my marriage. Alhumdulillah my eyes were opened as I learned more about the male psyche and my role as a wife in Islam.
That’s why I offer Wife Coaching especially to help women find contentment in their marriages. You can book a free discovery call with me to find out how my coaching for wives can work in your favor and see if it’s right for you.
Love these tips? Then Pre-order my upcoming book!
Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
