The Top 3 Ways to be a Better Wife
A decent marriage takes work. It isn't like the Disney fairy tales we grew up watching, which caused our delusions of "forever-after" love to formulate. When you witness a successful marriage, you shouldn't think it's because the couple is "lucky" or their spouse must be "awesome.”
Realize that both or even one spouse is working hard and putting in the extra time to make the marriage a success. A successful marriage doesn't happen automatically either. It happens when you accept your spouse completely for who he is and allow him to be himself.
Couples consist of two unique individuals with contrasting approaches and different points of view. If you do not embrace these differences in one another, it will cause a rift in your relationship and make you feel like you're not on the same page.
When you show acceptance of your spouse with "warts and all" you are opening the door of love and mercy and showing him that your love is unconditional. The same applies to allowing your spouse to feel free to be the person he is. You're expressing approval and showing that you respect him as an individual and an adult.
How Can I Improve as a Wife?
1. Communicate with Tolerance
Take into account if you or your husband may be feeling busy, tired, or out of sorts when communicating. These instances can make a person sound more insensitive than usual. By understanding that both of you have different styles of communication and speak contrasting love languages, you can lessen the irritation and frustration that occur when trying to talk and get your point across.
2. Recognize Your Impatience
It’s so important to halt petty frustrations that cause you to lose your patience and have an outburst. Keep your focus on the bigger picture. Sometimes you may keep things from the past inside, which causes a buildup, and your small irritation becomes a big one. Learn to recognize when you’re beginning to feel impatient, think first about the topic's importance, then make dua for patience and wisdom. If needed, walk away to calm down because your words cannot be retracted.
3. Lose the Control
This is a major one! At the end of the day, your impatience boils down to not feeling in control. Our fears stem from the unknown and when we lack control of a situation. With this knowledge, if you take a step back and reflect on the moment, you can remind yourself that it’s okay if your marriage is not going according to your expectations. Plans often go awry, and you are not in control, only Allah SWT has complete control of all things. Accepting that and letting go will develop greater patience and cause fewer marital arguments.
In conclusion, marriage should not be difficult and painful, but unfortunately most nowadays are. When you learn the skills of being a wife not from society, but from Islam and wiser women, you will notice how much your marriage can thrive. Stop thinking of the 50/50 partnership in marriage like a business deal, and start looking at marriage as two different individuals coming together in love and harmony. If you’re keeping tabs on everything and focusing on your husband’s faults instead of your own, you will always be frustrated and unhappy.
I highly recommend reading the books below so you can understand how our roles as women and wives empower us, not oppress us. These books have been recommended by scholars and are very close to our Islamic values.
Of course, there will always be a few wives who do not want to go this route, thinking it’s unfair. To those women, I ask, how happy is your marriage? Do you respect yourself and your husband? Is your relationship the way you want it to be? I leave you with the wise words of the Prophet PBUH who said,
"Riches does not mean, having a great amount of property, but riches is self-contentment."
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Salam, I’m Zakeeya!
I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.
