Before Divorcing Your Husband for Small Reasons Know the Reality!

It breaks my heart to hear sisters tell wives to give up on their marriages. It speaks volumes about the state of the ummah nowadays when we feel entitled to express our opinions without regard for the effects it will have on our children and the family structure in society.

Two very important points to remember are that every marriage is a unique situation, and from my experience, there is no advice that is “one size fits all.” The other point is that there is a specific shaytaan appointed to break up a husband and wife, so are we really aware of this and can we define what’s coming from his mischief and what’s true?

I believe that a couple should get relationship help from pious, knowledgeable, experienced, and successfully married Muslims who have nothing to gain and whose intentions are in the right place.

If you are getting help from a therapist, counselor, or coach... Do you know their relationship status and background? Are they married? How long have they been married? Is their marriage successful? Would you want to be in a relationship like theirs?

It seems so odd when I ask my clients this question and they feel comfortable saying, “I have no idea, but she told me this..” That tells me that we are not wanting to get true advice but instead want to hear what sounds good.

It is sad to say that many on social media and YouTube have become the spokespersons for the silent majority. This seems as if the majority is thinking a certain way when many of us do not live our lives this way.

This is one of the reasons I am writing my book, Tranquil Muslim Wife, along with writing and podcasting, because I have come to realize that there are hardly any Muslimas sharing traditional values and advice for wives anywhere online consistently.

Some questions to consider

Do you know what it feels like to be divorced?
Do the divorced sisters you know seem happy and carefree?
Do you know that second marriages have a higher divorce rate?
Do you realize that not only will your responsibilities increase after a divorce, but you might be alone for the rest of your life?
Your children will grow up, leave the nest. and have their own lives soon, so will you be okay living on your own when you are old and gray?
Will your career still be a comfort after 50 years of age?
When you are over 65 years old, and can’t find a job, will your retirement be enough to support you?
Women age faster than men; that’s just a reality according to our biology, so are you aware that seeking another husband might be tougher for you as a woman compared to your ex finding another spouse?
Society tells women many lies, like we should aim higher if we divorce and remarry. But the reality is, you were married before, you’re older, and may have children. This does not put divorcees in the same category as unmarried women - whether we like to admit it or not.
Do the divorcees you meet make you want their life every day or just occasionally when you feel tired?
How confident do you feel about your kids not resenting you and taking care of you if you got sick or lost your job?

Maybe your current husband looks more appealing now?

We are living in bleak times where Muslim wives are having to seek knowledge from non-Muslim women. People like Laura Doyle, are teaching us how to communicate effectively with our husbands and how to stay married. Her mottos is, “To end world divorce!” How honorable!

It is such a shame that we need to buy books, take courses, and be mentored by non-Muslims about the ways to be a wife when we are given the answers in our deen.

What does this tell us when Islam gives us the answers to all our problems through the Quran and Hadith?

It is an indication that we are not following our religion the way we should and that we are trying to find loopholes when we don’t like to accept something.

Disclaimer: This article is aimed at women who divorce for small reasons or because they grow tired of their husbands and think the grass is greener on the other side. This is not aimed at wives who are in abusive relationships.

You can read books by ladies like Doyle, Venker, and Andelin who are helping wives in a big way.

Recommended Books For Wives

Love these tips? Then Pre-order my upcoming book!

Salam, I’m Zakeeya!

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits to society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman! Read more about me here.